Another flash forward. This time 5 years later and I woke up one day and I was back in that nightmare again. This time it really was only in my mind but it was caused by the coming out of memories that took so long to come to the surface.  One of my children had always remembered the abuse but didn’t want to hurt me by telling me about it. Another one didn’t remember it until he started waking up in the middle of the night crying and had horrible visions in his head.  It took him 6 more months to put those visions into words and finally tell me that he too had been abused and that monster had hurt him in so many ways.  I still have 1 more child to go.  He was very little when daddy left and we have a chance that even if he did abuse him he will never remember it but I still wait every day for something else new to surface.  Another child to come forward!  I didn’t realize how many children I had babysat for over the year, how many friends my children had spend the night and God help me how many nieces, nephews and cousins we had in this family how many children he was around.

Why am I writing this because I’m not alone – I wish I were I wish I was the only one that was living in the nightmare but I’m not.  I read everyday about someone else that is living the same nightmare I have gone through.  I read yet another one tonight.  I felt so helpless reading those words and not being able to help in any way knowing that there are so many things that are going to happen that I wish I could help with. To just talk to them but I can’t talk to them all. I can’t be there for everyone, so all I can do is let them know that someone out here knows what they are going through that someone out here understand the shame, embarrassment and fear that is in their mind even when they sleep.  And let them know that their NOT alone!!!!