My troubles with Bi-Polar began a  few years ago when i was at school. So around 13-14.

I had always been so good and loved school but the soon as i reached Year 8, things went really bad. I started to mess around a lot at school, rude to teachers, bunking off and just being naughty. The teachers didn’t think nothing was up, only that i was being a brat basically. At this stage in my GCSEs i was predicted all A*s. I managed to finish school but it was hard. I came out with 5 Bs and 4 Cs. Not that bad for anyone really but do regret it a bit now.

I started College doing Health and Social Care, Psychology and English Literature. Funnily enough i wanted to be a psychologist. Funny looking at it now. I went for about two months and gave it up. One day i just thought to myself, Why am i doing this?. That was it and made my mind up like that and gave it up.

I then started work a few months later in an office. I was 17 at this point i think. I really enjoyed it at first and thought i had finally calmed down in life and that it would be okay. I was only an admin assistant but really enjoyed it. Then i made the mistake of moving departments into sales and i just hated it. Once again i did what i did at school and college. Stopped going in and when i did i just couldnt be bothered. It is hard to explain because some people will just think i am lazy or a teenager that can’t be bothered. It’s not like that at all. You get a thought into your mind and that is it. You have to do it. Thats what happened at work and i chucked it in, once again a rash decision.

I then did some pretty wrong things to my parents and my family. I would then be one week really down and depressive, no optimism or enthusiasm. Feel hopeless and nothing worth it. Then a week later this would change to feeling on top of the world and invincible, that nothing could be better. Often jump into things that you cant do or hold down.

That is why it is very difficult for somebody with Bi-Polar to be employed. Because one time they might be ok and the next week suicidal. I do currently work part time at an animal kennel. Animals are my focus on life. Sounds strange i know but that is what i focus my life around. Its like i get up otherwise i wont be able to go to work, that sort of thing. I dont have a family of my own so its a good focus point. It doesn’t make it any easier because as well as Bi-Polar i have Chronic Depression and Social Anxiety. The panic when going out is horrendous. I have learnt to deal with that over time and going to work three days a week has helped. I am thinking of going back full time but need to build it up as i dont want to relapse.

My treatment has been very good. I see the community mental health team( CMHT) once a week. The staff have been amazing to me and i can’t thank them enough. I see them once a week for a quick chat and make sure everything is okay.

I think a lot of people are scared of mental health. Like the whole subject. It can be at times. Of course it can be dangerous but not as dangerous as the media, news and people make out to be. As long as people get therapy, medication and are helped and have support then people are generally fine. It is when they have no support people feel alone.

Luckily i am on top of the world right now. I have the support of the cmht and my parents, brothers and sisters and rest of family. I feel really good and even better now i have had the chance to post this.

Thanks.