The phone rang and I answered it, something I never done since my sister really started drinking so much and crying in my ear and just would not do anything to change her life.  It hurt me as we didn’t live close enough to each other for me to help her.  I am not making excuses for me not helping her, she had a mind of her own and she would not listen to me no matter what I said.  So as the phone rang I was feeling as if I should just avoid the situation but I hadn’t talked to her in a month or longer so I answered and she said Cin I have some news, and I said what whats wrong and she said she had cancer.  I will be honest I wondered if it was bad, if it was just something for attention, if it was just something to get back at me because I had not answered the phone.  I was not sure. I listened and I cried while she told me about how she wasn’t working and how drinking just got old and tiring and how she just did not feel well anymore so she went for a physical.  She was in the last stages of cancer, I ask what are you going to do now and she said I have to go through several test. And they are setting me up with chemotherapy.  I honestly at that point did not know what chemotherapy was.  I knew it was something people with cancer done, but that was about it.  We talked on the phone a few more minutes as the tears rolled down my face.  I was in shock and I did not know what to say or think.  So we hung up and I called my mother and she said Cindy she is lying she just wants you feeling sorry for her, but I knew she wasn’t lying.  I knew she was telling the truth.  My heart broke even more and I did not have any idea of what to do.  I turned to a friend on the internet.  Just for someone to talk to about this.  My sister was 5000 miles away with cancer and in her last stages and there was nothing that I could do.  Days went by with me not hearing anything, me calling to get no answer, I came across her new husbands brothers email and I emailed him asking him the facts of what was going on.  He told me everything that he knew which was basically the things that I already knew and also gave me the number to his mothers house.  So I called her asking her for information and it was all true my sister was going to die with in a couple months.  I was in complete shock.  The next few weeks was really hard for me, the phone calls back and forth to New York trying to just talk to my sister.  We were never really close growing up but the Thanksgiving before this happend she came and stayed a couple nights with me and we held each other and cried and not because she was dying because she didn’t know at this time about that.  We were crying because we never got close growing up.  We lived a life of keeping to ourselfs.  We never really knew each other until a couple of years before she passed away, thats when we would talk on the phone and thats when I learned she was an alcoholic.  She could of stopped drinking had she really wanted to but she didn’t want to stop drinking.  She was hurting inside, she had been molested growing up and also blamed for it and she also got married fresh out of HighSchool to someone she didn’t love and when that ended she went living on the streets until she met her second husband, which she didn’t truely love.  She then found her husband that was her soul mate and she was with him until she passed away.  She went through a tough life and passed away at age 42.  I miss her so much and still wonder where her soul went.  I found out she passed away by reading on the internet her obituary and I deal with this daily.  If I had one last talk with Tina I would tell her I never ever blamed her for anything she went through.  She is my idol and I will always love her.