“Making fun of your parents is like blowing your nose in a towel and wiping your face with it”

This was my grandmother’s quintessential saying.  It went to the core of her belief that one should always respect one’s parents and never be ashamed of where one came from.  To feel embarrassment caused by the appearance of your parents, their job or their financial or social status, was the height of betrayal.  More, in her eyes, it was truly shame of oneself.

“You had fun making them, now pay the price”

This was in response to all parents bemoaning the labors of raising children.  In its most basic terms it was an acknowledgment of responsibility, from sex to children.  But more, it was a recognition that you, as a parent, were no longer the center of the universe.  Now, with children, a different path opens upon which you are no longer the primary focus.

“In our family, if you are nervous, you are ahead of the game”

There was much mental illness in my grandmother’s extended family.  She was clinically depressed and experienced several “blue” periods throughout her life.  Her youngest child, a daughter, was a schizophrenic who committed suicide by leaping from a hospital window.  Her sister was a manic depressive who alternated between sitting in a rocking chair on the front porch for hours on end, making neither gesture nor sound, and running through the streets naked, screaming for her long lost husband.  I believe she said this knowing where she came from and what her family brought to the table.  Judging others was never in her character.  When she heard others judge, she often thought of where they came from and perhaps why they should be a bit quieter.

“No one sees the hunch on their own back”

This was very much in line with her sense that most people lack perspective in what they bring to the table.  She often said this to someone with whom she was in disagreement, feeling that they were not looking at their side of the ledger.  My father’s most frequent response was, “You’re absolutely right, Hunchy”.

“If he wasn’t a little crazy, would he marry your sister”

When her youngest daughter married it was to a man with many problems of his own, a violent man, prone to mood swings and irrational behavior.  Her eldest daughter often commented on how “off” her future brother-in-law was.  It was to this that my grandmother noted the obvious synergy between her “wounded bird” as she referred to her mentally ill daughter and her soon-to-be son-in-law.