Here’s how I found out!

The highest bidder wins! The product on auction is my chastity. 

Venue: Staples Centre, Los Angeles

The auctioneer for the day is Nancy Pelosi, Speaker of US House of Representatives.

Pelosi: Ladies and gentlemen, it gives me much pleasure to be here in your midst today. Today is a momentous occasion. This is the day in which is being conducted for the first time ever, the auction of a person’s chastity.

(Claps all around)

I believe that each of us is put on this planet to make a difference to the world in which we live. We need to strive always and everywhere towards this end. When differences do arise, and they definitely do arise, we need to find common ground. Without further ado, let’s get down to business! The product being auctioned today is the chastity of Rohan Rinaldo Felix. It is a chastity based in the Indian city of Chennai, the capital of the state of Tamil Nadu. It is a chastity that retains most of the characteristics of it’s moderately conservative mid 1990s traditional South Indian upbringing. It is a chastity in search of the answers to the questions that episodes of temptation hurl at it. The base price is 100,000 USD. The list of bidders is the following:

1. St. Nimattullah Kassab Al-Hardini, saint in the Maronite tradition of the Catholic Church

2. Planned Parenthood Federation of America

3. Adult Entertainment Association of Canada

4. TV Today Network

5. Indian Army

6. Dr. Vijay Mallya, Member of Parliament (India) and Chairman, United Breweries and Kingfisher Airlines

(The auction begins in earnest)

Indian army: 110,00 USD!

TV Today Network: 125,000!

Adult Entertainment Association of Canada: 127,000!

TV Today Network: (Aside) Let’s make this bigger. (Shouts) 175,000 USD!

Dr. Vijay Mallya: (Aside) Let me make this bigger. (Shouts) 250,000!

Indian Army: (Aside) Crap this Mallya jerk! Perhaps it’s time to turn on the heat and raise the stakes even higher. (Shouts) 340,000!

(A minute passes in silence)

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