Towards the end of the year right before graduation, I think I might have cut you off maybe due to preparation for exams or we were sent to different schools or that something else happened, I don’t know. We just stopped being close and we grew apart, perhaps it was my fault but I can’t recall. I tend to have the annoying habit of blocking out all the unpleasant & awkward memories to save myself from the embarrassment.

Nevertheless, it has always been a great regret of mine that we lost contact after we each moved on to different high schools. And even though we lived in a small city and our parents knew each other briefly.  It was like fate playing tricks on us, for the last 10 years, we never manage to walk across each others’ life, not a coincidental bump on the streets or coming across each other in the world of internet.

I have occasionally wondered how you were doing and where were you at some points in life. I wondered about the changes upon you, the life you were in and the path you have taken. I also wondered whether you would still recall memories of me, whether I would sometimes cross your mind and perhaps maybe you would wonder the same things I wonder about you. Whenever you came into my mind, I always hoped the best for you that you were fine, happy and doing well wherever you may be. Things might have taken a turn with both of us heading down separate paths, but you always held a special spot in my heart. Until today, I never stopped hoping that when time is right, we shall meet again, somewhere, sometime.

And I reckon the time has come.

This morning I left you a personal message in Facebook, putting aside my fears of rejection, I picked up the courage to tell you my true feelings that I have kept in my heart for so long. To be honest, I hesitated for quite some time before clicking the “Send” button. You looked so different and a tiny bit intimidating, it’s like you took a 360 degree change that I was afraid that you will not be the boy I used to know. I was suddenly afraid that I would be disappointed or hurt if you turned out to be a totally different person that I have expected. Yet, because I know that if I wanted to be back in your life, I would just have to make the first move.

From the corner of my eye, I can see that I have a new message from Facebook, is it you? Do you recognize me? Do you remember our memories together? Do you want to pick up from where we left off? Are you still you?

As I point my mouse towards “Inbox (1)”,

My heart is racing.

                                                                                                                                                             ~ Alice Sun