So my master told me to me to write a journal about anything and everything. It is so that he would understand me better. So I’m not only going to write it in a note book, but also here. Be warned, some of it is a little crazy. And also I don’t date every time I write. I just write.

There is a song, well there are many, but one song by Evanescence that gets me wondering about my past.  On the surface, I had a great childhood.  But sometimes what happens in the dark stays in the dark unless some how light reaches it.  Before the song starts there is something said that makes me blackout and think about things.  ”You hold the answer deep within your own mind.  Consciously, you’ve forgotten it.  That’s the way the human mind works.  Whenever something is too unpleasant, to shameful for us to entertain we reject it.  We erase it from our memories.  But the imprint is always there.”  If that is true, why are my memories hunting me? Why do I remember mostly everything that has happened in my life?  Some of the memories are great, others have affected me badly.

I got a nail file today.  I have to be careful with how I spend my money.  Oh well.  I fell asleep on the bus again.  The cold always has this effect on me.  Not that great.  I’m not sure who to turn to with my dreams and nightmares.  I know that I can trust my master, but I get the feeling that I should shut up.  I talk too much when I ramble.  I love music.  Made a song.  I take that back, I like certain type of music.  Rock, techno, trance, Japanese rock, pop, and Korean rock and pop.  I had a good dream again.  I would say the best so far.  Of course, it involves me, Fred, and Maaku.  In my head, we look movie star perfect.  I can and can’t explain it.  I don’t really want to explain it.  But think of both Fred and I in raver clothes look fucking hot but people don’t mess with us because they know we belong to Maaku.

The Master.  I forgot what he was wearing, but I know that everyone spotted him when the moment he enter the place.  Fred and I had our collars and tattoos on.  By this time I’ve been to so many raves, I know how to flow.  I’m no longer a lightweight.  But I looked cute.  It was a short dream.  other dreams is just us chilling together and me and Fred are in good standing.  I’m scared that Fred doesn’t like me and/or won’t ever.  I’m out of my zone.  I’m not use to things like what I’ve been doing lately.  I’m shelter.  I think things like this trigger my memories that I try forgetting.  but I’m not sure if I’m suppose to accept my past.  He said that he wanted me to write down everything and he’ll read it later.  I wonder what he’ll get out of it.

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  • Vigilant Pariah on Aug 1, 2012

    Hmm, maybe try writing your daily routine? That might give more of an impression of what type of person you are.

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