On my first day alone, I got black-out drunk.  On the second day, I repeated the process. I continued the pattern until I woke up from “round six” of my back-to-back nights of black-out drinking.  I was right where I was nine months before, but worse.  And it certainly didn’t take me long to catch up with my drinking career.  I had drunk myself into a corner, and I pretty much had to come clean with everyone.  My wife, and family, my friends and co-workers.  I didn’t have much choice, since I had evidence piled up in the refrigerator, the garbage can, and in my closet.  I had very little recollection of how I had gotten myself to this point, and what I had actually done with all those nights I had wasted.

It took me a couple weeks to get back into the swing of things with my sobriety and the meetings.  For one, I could hardly focus on anything except my guilt.  I was sitting on my “pity pot” as some may call it, and I just couldn’t get myself to stand up off of it.  Another reason was that the alcohol didn’t want to leave my system, and it had become my “higher power”.  A very dark part of my mind didn’t feel back for letting anyone down, and that part wouldn’t accept the fact that I had ultimately let myself down.  These thoughts, which were basically the addiction talking, didn’t see a problem, and if there was a problem it would easily be solved by dousing them in booze.

Anger, when dealt with in a most positive manner, can be one of the best motivators for a person.  Like I said, it took a couple weeks, but I was able to channel that anger and guilt I felt into motivation.  I realized that something had gone horribly wrong during those nine months, and I knew I had a bit of “mental rewiring” to do.  I started talking more to my friends down in the meetings.  I began to ask more questions, and I even found a sponsor.  We began to read the “big book”, which was the Alcoholics Anonymous handbook, and started going over the steps.  In the last two months, which have flown by, I have gotten more out of life than I have in many years.

One thing that really helped me, and many others before me, is remembering that you can’t look at your sobriety as a huge ordeal with no booze ever again.  You can’t ask yourself, “how am I going to stay sober for the rest of my life?” All you need to do is stay sober today.  One day at a time.  If that doesn’t work for you, start with just one hour at a time.  Don’t think about tomorrow, or next week, or the next 50 years.  Just now, right now.