my whole job it seems, on this earth plane, is to say no to all remaining would-be suitors. Most of them are at death’s doorway, as even I seem to be, yet I cannot fathom a final love where I would be but nurse maid. I see this kind of opportunity as a last grasping of those who are drowning.

I was born with this word on my lips. No. I apologize to cause sadness in any, but there is nothing else to say. It’s over for me. The reason I can be on the internet, presenting myself the way I do, concerned with this thing of spiritual tidings and communications and what not, is because I do not have a man to attend to. A man would indeed take up all my time. It’s the nature of things. And so I like my life as it stands and cannot see any improvements that could be made except by way of material acquisition and material items have never been that important to me.

And then you should ask, but what makes you think you need to attend to a man’s needs in a relationship anyway? That is the nature of myself, that is how I see a relationship, that every moment is about the beloved, to make them comfortable.

That is how women show love. To express caring. I am not there now. I’ve lived my life, I’ve had my loves of many, some more enduring than others, all unforgettable in their own measure.

It’s hard to say what effect I had on them, I can hope it was good. I have no regrets, I’m simply not in the market or I took myself off the market years ago on purpose to blossom myself, by myself. Move over Willie Nelson. This is to all the boys I’ve loved before, who traveled in and out my door.

You asked me once, seems so long ago, it was but a few short years ago, was there a chance for you and me?

Ah yes, there it was, all cards on the table. The opportunity knocks idea, the moment of which fork in the road to take. I had taken that fork long ago. And do I appreciate the thought? Perhaps. It was honest after all. But on the net? No face to perceive, no identity to grasp for certain, no voice to hear, no touch to feel, what was I supposed to say, or what would any woman say? You would even deny who you were when I asked. Because you had to play the game by your rules, you know the consequences now. You lost me, whatever chance there may have been to gain love. All because you could not be truthful.

Sure, come on, I might have said, jump in your car and drive hours to see if it will work. Take a chance. No, I couldn’t say that, it was too far fetched to consider. Instead I merely said anything was possible.

Now I do not believe that it is possible, but then I still did believe in at the least talking things over. Not in a blasted dream. In blasted reality of physical dimension. It was you that said we were worlds apart, and then you turned around and said you were living just across the border from me. Make up your mind. I was going to be getting a yes and a no from you and asked to consider the unfathomable prospect.

It was all in my hands then. I held the power. As time went on, I realized nothing would change. Indecision would rule the day, the nature of the beast would rule.

Hearing your voice sing you go your way I’ll go mine, of course that was the clincher. You never even knew, I never clapped for that song. That would be like clapping for a tornado to tear your roof off and leave you homeless. So many things turned me to the realization it was too late for me. Everything began to point to no. I have not a romantic bone left in my soul and there’s not a thing I can do about it. Worrying about you was the big mistake I made. You understood I was concerned for you. Now I think you are not to be fretted over. It is again, the way of a woman to fret and worry. I’m thinking I need not do that and the worry was so many years ago, I cannot even bother to count the years that have sped by, whilst I lived alone, content with my own company far more than when I had a man to attend to.
No, I never had a man attend to me or try to make me happy. I lacked such care and wondered if I had character deficiencies but now it matters not. There will be no celebration of love this life time. If every relationship but leaves one wondering what is wrong with self and other, then living alone becomes extremely comfortable and peaceful in view of the illusive bauble of love.

Let us celebrate those who claim to have it. That is, if you can find them. There is always something to be glad about when the life is short and time so valuable. I look in the mirror and I’ve grown old overnight but I accept it as a condition of a full life. I am grateful for what landed on my plate even if not as good as I’d imagined, still, it was a life.

Sometimes the religious soul receives God’s love, and it is sufficient unto the day. I should say spiritual, I am not religious, but I have never walked alone.

You sent the link to various lyrics. You can’t take back what you said. It’s too late. I have chosen. Such forthrightness you have. Now time has run out for us at last. And I believe everything you say, and you said it before I did.

So before you ask again, I will tell you the only answer which you said first “it’s too late.” No. I say that gently. Is it not good we did try? We had our moments I must say!

No. I do not know you except on the net. I do not know your real name. A lady should not have to check a prospective lover’s license to find out if they are legitimate. That is not a good enough reason to even consider things. The internet is simply machine like communications with no virtue of honesty there and a lot of useless intellect preening. I was using the internet to blossom brotherly love, not personal love.

For all that have found a relationship through the internet there are twice as many have gotten themselves into trouble for the effort.
Forget being psychic, there’s not enough rationale in that scenery to base a relationship on if all that comes through is differences in taste, demeanor, style and character, placement in life, etc and so forth.

No, no no, my wonderful Mustang classic car. You haven’t time left either. But I do like the thought, that I was thought of. How weird it all is. Very strange indeed has been this life. I hope you understand I will not jeopardize my relationship with God for a relationship with a Mustang.

Of course you’re afraid. So am I, a bit. But we must do what we must do. The cards were always stacked against us. I know that now. We did have our day. Long, long ago. Let it be. Say good bye and count your blessings.