No marriage, no kids, and no house in the suburbs. So what does a guy with no ties have to get stressed about when he hits his 40s? Plenty.
I’ve recently turned 41 and that’s got me thinking. A lot of my middle aged friends seem to be dealing with some form of midlife crisis so it must be high time I got my own one underway. The problem is I can’t seem to find anything to have a crisis about.
A non starter I’m afraid for this star of the midlife crisis checklist. I’m not married so without anyone to cheat on, well it would just be a single guy having a fling and that’s just not the stuff of a crisis.
How about the suffocating claustrophobia of too many years spent chasing suburban bliss? I live in an apartment in a lively quarter of the inner city so the suburban nightmare is alien to me.
How about the horror of mounting mortgage payments? That’s sure to turn the hair from grey to white! Alas no. I rent so scratch that little charmer off the list.
What about my body? At 40 it all starts falling apart right? Well, there are definitely grey hairs sprouting up, the crows feet around the eyes are starting to make a lively appearance, and I’ve got to work hard at the gym to keep the belly under control, but overall I’m fairly content with my lot and actually feel fitter and healthier than I did in my 30’s. No go here I’m afraid.
What about a longing for the wild times of my youth? Surely this is my chance to buy a Harley Davidson and ride off into the sunset in a blaze of hedonistic middle aged madness? To be honest, I’ve indulged in more than my fair share of globe trotting mayhem so I’m quite content to lead a quieter life now.
In short, I don’t have a lot to get stressed about and that’s where the problem lies. After years of leading a staunchly independent lifestyle, I’ve found myself suddenly wanting to settle down. A wife, kids, big hairy dog, house in the suburbs, sensible family car, lawnmower, garden, and friendly neighbours who will invite us in for cake and tea. What I’ve spent my whole adult life avoiding is what I’ve found myself craving at the grand age of 41. I want it all and I want it now.
Time’s ticking on so I need to get moving as this is quite a crisis I’m thinking of having here. Sure there are obstacles. I can’t seem to meet a woman I want to share so much as a cup of coffee with at the moment let alone settle down with, buying a house is a shaky concept right now, dogs are cute but quite smelly, and I’m not sure I remember how to work a lawnmower (It’s been a long time since I’ve even seen one). As far as a midlife breakdown goes, I’ve chosen a monster of one to have but I think I’m onto a winner and will throw myself into the challenge with wild abandon. Wish me luck.
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