Punching Bag

maria kamsten on Sep 27, 2008

Tags: abuse, domestic violence, love, punching bag, Relationships

I was nothing more than a punching bag to the love of my life.

How can you fear the person that you love the most in the world, the person you’ve shared your secrets and dreams with?

Yet here I was battered, bleeding and in fear of my very life.

This is how I spent the first part of my life, a time when most of my friends were out having fun, enjoying life, here I was being controlled by this sometimes monster yet sometimes loving partner.

When I met David I thought he was my saviour, no one had ever loved me the way he did, when he held me I felt safe and wanted,

Every girl wanted him, but he was mine, or so I thought.

I can clearly remember the first time he ever hit me.

We had one of his mates around; he was drinking and getting a little rowdy.

No sooner had I dared to open my mouth to have an opinion, his hand lashed out so quickly and sharply that I can still feel the sting that the back of his hand left on my face.

Amazingly, he knew that once he’d hit me, the abuse after that would never stop, stupidly I on the other hand, thought it was one off and my love could change him.

The abuse intensified and became more regular, on occasions he would become paranoid if I spoke to anyone.

I could work out his patterns of abuse.

Fridays he would be starting to get quite nasty because he knew he would be around to watch me all weekend, then of course Saturdays were a nightmare, that’s when his violence would be the most intense.

It was like living with a time bomb; always ticking away; ready to explode.

The trouble was, his triggers were only known to him.

Maybe it was too hot that day or I cluttered up a shelf too much, there was dust around the ledges or simply he felt like being angry.

It was unpredictable.

Sundays would roll around and I’d breathe a sigh of relief.

I knew he’d be loving and kind, because with Monday approaching, he’d have to go to work and leave me.

His fear was I’d run away from him, and many times I did.

But he’d always talk me around or make sure he alienated me from everyone, so I’d have nowhere to run, I’d have to stay.

My only weapon in the end was to become almost like a robot, showing no feelings.

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Comments (21)

Lea Oldy on Sep 27, 2008
Your story was heart wrenching. You are a remarkable woman and have been thru so much than anyone would realise i think. I hope your daughter rests in peace and thank god for the precious time u did get with her. As for the love of your life, may karma come around to him and it will.
Dazza on Sep 27, 2008
Congratulations Maria on your first work, very well done. I’ll look forward to reading more from you.
mum of six on Sep 27, 2008
Wow that must have been so terrifying,your a very strong person to have pulled through this..
Your a wonderful person..

I thoroughly enjoyed reading this as sad as it was

luv Jo
xoxoxox
Ouija on Sep 27, 2008
The tale of how you discovered your inner strength was very moving, and I’m proud of you.
Good stuff!
Bob D Caterino on Sep 27, 2008
Men that hit, punch, grab,or yell are not men at all. Love comes often, love with the right person comes once in a lifetime.
bus boy on Sep 27, 2008
well what a heartfelt story… after all that still not using the word hate just bitterness very strong indeed look forward to reading some more that for sure ……
Heather Berger on Sep 27, 2008
Very powerful story and well written. You are a strong woman and have been through a lot in your life. Wishing you all the best in your writing career.
Nednats on Sep 27, 2008
What a powerful story, to go through so much and come out the other end is an accomplishment in itself. To then articulate it like this is even bigger! Good luck with your writing Maria!!
lou on Sep 27, 2008
well written. while i was writing i was crying to think this could happen to a person.
goggles70 on Sep 27, 2008
Truely a heartwrenching story.You are such a remarkable lady and im am so glad you found your way in life.Keep up the good work in your life and please keep up your writing, you deserve it.
Brenda on Sep 27, 2008
the saying goes what goes around comes around and he will get his. Thanks for sharing
Hudson Knights on Sep 28, 2008
A very well written Story Maria.

This brought back some memorys that I had wittnessed with a family member when I was much younger, At the time I did not understand the full impact of what was going on but after reading this a tear falls in my eye and I only wish I was old enough at the time to help in some way.

Today I work in an enviroment where I see people like your offender every day, I also see the blinded victim\’s visiting giving love in hope they will change. I often find myself wondering why??
Even after witnessing and reading storys like this I still dont understand and maybee never will, maybe I am some what blinded by the dislike I have for the offenders myself.

I just live in hope that one day victim\’s of such abuse will all find strength as you did, You are an insparation.

I stress to people in this situation that you are never as alone as you think you are, at the end of the day there are plenty of people that love you and deeply care for you, people that are willing to hold your hand and stand by you as you fight your way back on top.
Beth.C on Sep 28, 2008
Loved it. Very moving…you have a great talent there, when I am emotionally moved by a story, you know you’ve done a great job!! Keep going girl!!
mona on Sep 29, 2008
Just reading the headline of this story makes my stomach hurt. I hope women in the same situation read this and that it will give them strength to fight for their right to live without abuse. To you who wrote this powerful story, thanks for sharing. I know you are a strong woman and I am so glad you got out of and away from that situation and by writing this you will touch many lives. Very well written.
Margie. on Sep 30, 2008
Some times people suffer in silence, maybe its because they hope that their spouse will change and they dont ask for help of the people who love them because they are afraid that if all is well eventually that they haved caused others to dislike their spouse. If only we knew just how bad it was at the time , maybe we could have helped. I feel deep in my heart that you are now a stronger person. Don\’t look back, you deserve a happy future don\’t wear your heart on your sleeve, we are only on this earth a short time live it for you, you deserve it! My prayers are with you.
Trish on Oct 2, 2008
What an inspiration!I too know only too well what it is like to suffer as you did.I lived for 13 years with an abusive man who,like your ex isolated me from family and friends,abused me in every way,had me feeling like i was nothing and beneath him.I finally gained the courage 6 years ago to leave him and,that was the most invigorating,courage building day of my life.He still tries to ruin me to this day as,we share 4 children but,i don\’t let him get me down.This is a wonderful story and,i hope you continue with your writing and,that this story inspires alot of other abused women to seek help and take back their lives..well done xxxx
Mandy on Oct 14, 2008
I can hardly write this with all my tears still stinging at my eyes…many people will be able to relate to this story, including myself my mum suffered abuse with my father but she is stronger now and with a loving partner in a new happy relationship! Your story was well written and encouraging for other abused women who think they can not leave an abusive relationship..you are living proof that they can be free and happy..thanks for sharing your story!
BC Doan on Oct 31, 2008
I’m glad that you’re happier now, at least you’re out! May God bless you, and keep on writing to bring light to others.
Darlene McFarlane on Nov 21, 2008
This was powerful. Unfortunately, this kind of thing happens too often and I am glad to know that you are a survivor of such brutality. Thank you for sharing your heart wrenching story and for having the courage to tell it.

God bless,
Darlene
ladonna on Nov 25, 2008
been there too i thought i had everything till that one day pain hit my face i took it for 4 yrs hid it for family till one day i got even and took ladonnas life away from him and gave it back to me
wendy on Aug 23, 2009
Well done for being so strong, you deserve every bit of happiness

Punching Bag

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