I was nothing more than a punching bag to the love of my life.

I just laid there, completely shattered, frozen in thought and action.

After the initial shock set in, I wanted to go over and scream at her and him; how could they do this to me.

We were having a baby and getting our life together.

But then the fear set in; I knew he’d get angry and bash me for having embarrassed him.

I decided I’d act as if nothing happened, and just run away the next morning.

He came home through the night and crawled in next to me and just said he had drunk too much and fell asleep.

The next morning came around quickly and with it a new set of problems.

I was bleeding and suffering severe pain in the abdomen.

I had no choice but to tell him, I was scared, as I knew I was not in good shape.

David of course, was unconcerned and said he had planned to run my neighbour, my so-called friend, to an appointment.

And when he returned, he would run me to the hospital.

I remember the minute he drove out of the driveway, I ran for dear life.

I was terrified he’d come back.

I just had to get to a phone for help, so I ran as fast as the pain would let me.

As I ran I could feel the water running down my legs.

Someone came to my aid and took me to the hospital, the moment I got there and was placed into a bed, with a gush my waters came, and there was no stopping that little baby from coming.

A few difficult hours of labour brought my baby girl into the world.

She was very tiny, but she was alive.

She was whisked off to “NICU” to be cared for.

She battled on for eight days and eventually died on the eighth night from a heart attack.

It was the hardest moment of my life.

To watch her tiny helpless little body expire in front of my eyes, and no one to share my grief with.

The only time I saw him was in the labour ward; he turned up just as the baby was taken away.

He came in and spat on me and said he had his girlfriend in the car; and to never contact him again.

I said to him that the baby was very sick.

He told me he didn’t care and to tell the real father. I felt so alone without him; but that was fine by me.

My father visited me in the hospital, I was sitting alone in the foyer and he came over and sat next to me.

I told him how scared I was that I’d lose my baby.

He grabbed my hand and said she’s tough just like her mum and she’ll fight just like her mum.

In that instance I knew no matter what happened, I would fight my way back, and that I wasn’t alone.

My life took many twists and turns after that and it took me many years to break that cycle of abuse, betrayal and hurt.

I look back now and think, if I was the woman I am now, that man would never have treated me like that.

To this day I don’t hate him, I feel anger at all I’ve lost and every year that my daughter would have been a year older, I feel bitterness.

But I’ve learned to grow from every situation and I’m a survivor of the most horrendous acts of violence, physically, sexually and emotionally.

I’ve been rock bottom, but no one has the power to take away your fight.

Although I lost everything, the one thing he could never break was my spirit.

And it’s that strength carries me through everything.

So if you have a story similar to mine, never lose your will to fight from within.

Power to you all!

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Comments (21)
  • Lea Oldy on Sep 27, 2008

    Your story was heart wrenching. You are a remarkable woman and have been thru so much than anyone would realise i think. I hope your daughter rests in peace and thank god for the precious time u did get with her. As for the love of your life, may karma come around to him and it will.

  • Dazza on Sep 27, 2008

    Congratulations Maria on your first work, very well done. I’ll look forward to reading more from you.

  • mum of six on Sep 27, 2008

    Wow that must have been so terrifying,your a very strong person to have pulled through this..
    Your a wonderful person..

    I thoroughly enjoyed reading this as sad as it was :(

    luv Jo
    xoxoxox

  • Ouija on Sep 27, 2008

    The tale of how you discovered your inner strength was very moving, and I’m proud of you.
    Good stuff!

  • Bob D Caterino on Sep 27, 2008

    Men that hit, punch, grab,or yell are not men at all. Love comes often, love with the right person comes once in a lifetime.

  • bus boy on Sep 27, 2008

    well what a heartfelt story… after all that still not using the word hate just bitterness very strong indeed look forward to reading some more that for sure ……

  • Heather Berger on Sep 27, 2008

    Very powerful story and well written. You are a strong woman and have been through a lot in your life. Wishing you all the best in your writing career.

  • Nednats on Sep 27, 2008

    What a powerful story, to go through so much and come out the other end is an accomplishment in itself. To then articulate it like this is even bigger! Good luck with your writing Maria!!

  • lou on Sep 27, 2008

    well written. while i was writing i was crying to think this could happen to a person.

  • goggles70 on Sep 27, 2008

    Truely a heartwrenching story.You are such a remarkable lady and im am so glad you found your way in life.Keep up the good work in your life and please keep up your writing, you deserve it.

  • Brenda on Sep 27, 2008

    the saying goes what goes around comes around and he will get his. Thanks for sharing

  • Hudson Knights on Sep 28, 2008

    A very well written Story Maria.

    This brought back some memorys that I had wittnessed with a family member when I was much younger, At the time I did not understand the full impact of what was going on but after reading this a tear falls in my eye and I only wish I was old enough at the time to help in some way.

    Today I work in an enviroment where I see people like your offender every day, I also see the blinded victim\’s visiting giving love in hope they will change. I often find myself wondering why??
    Even after witnessing and reading storys like this I still dont understand and maybee never will, maybe I am some what blinded by the dislike I have for the offenders myself.

    I just live in hope that one day victim\’s of such abuse will all find strength as you did, You are an insparation.

    I stress to people in this situation that you are never as alone as you think you are, at the end of the day there are plenty of people that love you and deeply care for you, people that are willing to hold your hand and stand by you as you fight your way back on top.

  • Beth.C on Sep 28, 2008

    Loved it. Very moving…you have a great talent there, when I am emotionally moved by a story, you know you’ve done a great job!! Keep going girl!!

  • mona on Sep 29, 2008

    Just reading the headline of this story makes my stomach hurt. I hope women in the same situation read this and that it will give them strength to fight for their right to live without abuse. To you who wrote this powerful story, thanks for sharing. I know you are a strong woman and I am so glad you got out of and away from that situation and by writing this you will touch many lives. Very well written.

  • Margie. on Sep 30, 2008

    Some times people suffer in silence, maybe its because they hope that their spouse will change and they dont ask for help of the people who love them because they are afraid that if all is well eventually that they haved caused others to dislike their spouse. If only we knew just how bad it was at the time , maybe we could have helped. I feel deep in my heart that you are now a stronger person. Don\’t look back, you deserve a happy future don\’t wear your heart on your sleeve, we are only on this earth a short time live it for you, you deserve it! My prayers are with you.

  • Trish on Oct 2, 2008

    What an inspiration!I too know only too well what it is like to suffer as you did.I lived for 13 years with an abusive man who,like your ex isolated me from family and friends,abused me in every way,had me feeling like i was nothing and beneath him.I finally gained the courage 6 years ago to leave him and,that was the most invigorating,courage building day of my life.He still tries to ruin me to this day as,we share 4 children but,i don\’t let him get me down.This is a wonderful story and,i hope you continue with your writing and,that this story inspires alot of other abused women to seek help and take back their lives..well done xxxx

  • Mandy on Oct 14, 2008

    I can hardly write this with all my tears still stinging at my eyes…many people will be able to relate to this story, including myself my mum suffered abuse with my father but she is stronger now and with a loving partner in a new happy relationship! Your story was well written and encouraging for other abused women who think they can not leave an abusive relationship..you are living proof that they can be free and happy..thanks for sharing your story!

  • BC Doan on Oct 31, 2008

    I’m glad that you’re happier now, at least you’re out! May God bless you, and keep on writing to bring light to others.

  • Darlene McFarlane on Nov 21, 2008

    This was powerful. Unfortunately, this kind of thing happens too often and I am glad to know that you are a survivor of such brutality. Thank you for sharing your heart wrenching story and for having the courage to tell it.

    God bless,
    Darlene

  • ladonna on Nov 25, 2008

    been there too i thought i had everything till that one day pain hit my face i took it for 4 yrs hid it for family till one day i got even and took ladonnas life away from him and gave it back to me

  • wendy on Aug 23, 2009

    Well done for being so strong, you deserve every bit of happiness

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