Well I’ve finished them. I’ve made my New Year’s Resolutions for for next year.   Here they are in no particular order.

First I’m going to take up smoking. I’ve never smoked before and it’s about time I started.

Secondly I’m going to gain some weight–at least fifty pounds. I’m a bit chubby now so by the end of the year I should be a real  porker

Thirdly I’m going to waste more money. I actually wear about half the clothes that are in my closet right now, I’ve got to buy more

Fourth I’m going to procrastinate more. I got my taxes done on April 14th last year, what a waste of time

Fifth I’m going to get less exercise. Why walk to the bathroom when I can just wear Depends?

Sixth, I’m going to quit going to church. Let God come to me for a change.

Seventh I’m going to spend less time with my family. Watching sports is more important.

With those resolutions 2011 should be my best year ever.  You see I finally figured out the trick to New Year’s resolutions. Since I never keep my resolutions I’ve guaranteed myself a good year by making these.

Bound to work better than anything I’ve done before