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My fingers shook as I pulled the sharp steel out of the drawer and sliced my life blood in half.  Several more whacks with the blade and my credit card was a thing of the past.  In this economy, a credit card is my mortal enemy.  I have no control over impulse buying.  Yes, I needed that thing that hangs on a hook in my office and looks similar to something that my husband has taken to the scrap metal yards.  Ok, so the retailer put a price tag on it and called it wall art.  Did it need to hang on my wall?  Sharp little metal pieces that always prick my fingers when I halfheartedly swipe at it with the dust rag.  I only bought it because the small kiosk in the center of the mall was so desolate and the girl behind the stand looked like she needed a good meal.

I realized I had issues when I began to research a novelty way to pay, floating checks.  Like a drug addict that finally realizes she has an addiction, I have come to understand that my spending habits are an addiction of sorts. 

Technically my spending is never on my own needs.  Haven’t had a hair cut that I haven’t done myself in years.  In 50 years of life I have never had a manicure, don’t get me started on pedicures.  As far as I’m concerned, they are for dogs that are heading to the show ring.

Yes, Virginia there is a Santa Claus and her name is Debbie.  I love to do things for my children, husband and family.  If we go to lunch I’m picking up the tab.  Heading to the grocery store?  Take me with you, you’ll never have to pull out your wallet.  This kindness called splurging is killing me financially. 

I have started a small diary of what I spend, on whom and where.  There will no longer be drive throughs at Burger King late at night after picking up my son from work.  Not unless he has a couple of bucks to spend.  Perfectly good, home-cooked food will be available in the big, chilled white box in our kitchen that used to house all the left over doggie bags.  Did you know you can cook a turkey and use the same item for days for meals?  They are called leftovers and are amazingly reasonable.

We will not need to run all over town looking at Christmas, Easter, 4th of July lights and decorations.  That’s what a bicycle is for.  Plus the upside is how much weight loss will occur with all that pedaling.  After all, my husband is constantly telling everyone my heart is as big as my behind when it comes to our children.  Somehow that’s meant as a backsided, oops, backhanded compliment.

So, I’m planted on the path of freedom from debt.  I’ve got a long way to go.  It’s been a lot of years building the debt and the weeds have taken over the pathway.  One small, overgrown rainforest at a time I will slice through armed with my cash only payments.

Now if you will excuse me, I have to eliminate a pay pal that is no friend of mine.