A friend once told me “One can only write a good poem or lyrics if one is on his/her utmost feeling.” Well, I guess she’s right, isn’t she? Same thing with blogs, I tried to write blogs without feeling anything extreme and the result, I can’t produce a good one. And now, here, I am confused, lost, and afraid of what future will bring. I am not saying that this blog will be a great one, but I know that good words will be made out of this feelings.

Lemme share…

Have you ever felt that you’re doing eveything to succeed in one field yet so many things try to block your way up to the top? Have you felt so tired on fighting for some things which you think worth fiighting for but seems like a waste to fight for? Have you thought on lifting it all up to God’s will but for some reasons you tried to blame Him for that? Ironic isn’t it? Some times, I think I am not that faithful to Him. I already knew to myself that I should not blame Him with regards to those things. But in the end, it will happen. Well, not most of the time but still I did, right? 

I had wrote a blog about this before. I don’t know?! Every time this subject goes in my mind, I get stressed all the time. haha~ I guess, I know that I am trying to be good at it, it’s just that there is no chance for me to be good at it. Maybe you are all thinking that after those introduction, all that this blog is about was just a one school subject. haha! yeah, again~

In my past blog entries, I am always saying that I am getting used to it, I am tired of it, etc.. etc… But now, I am afraid to and of it. Whew!~ It’s like, I have done EVERYTHING to be resourceful and to pass all the things our prof asks for. But still, it’s not enough. Then, what should I do for it to be enough?!?!?! That’s my problem~ I feel like I already gave 100% of my blood and soul and still, it’s nothing~ Am I not worthy of taking that subject? hahahha! I supposed not; I am worthy for it.

Right now, I wanted to do our assignment for this saturday, pass it to him with a big smile on my face.>> But I guess, all I can show him is a shameful face>> with no assignment to pass for him. And I am guilty about it. I know there were times that you want to be praised by your prof’s. Like me, even there is no possibility(I think), I still wanted to be praised even just for being good and not great. And if only there is a chance, I should be doing that assignment now instead of finishing this blog>.<

sob..sob..sob.. that’s all I can do for now. I feel so useless for myself. I always try to be positive in things but it’s no use. After being positive, there will be another time that will lead me to feel all the negativities in life. And vice versa, so tell me, aren’t you going to feel tired ater doing those things all over and over again?

P.S

I don’t know if I write this blog clearly enough for you to understand my point?!?!?! If not, you may say that yeah! I am confused, lost and afraid..:(( >.<