Closure

April 26, 2005

It’s no secrete that lately I have been a bit depressed. I have decided to get rid of all the old relationship crap out of my system. Getting closure is the best thing to do when you feel like you can’t move forward with your relationships. I called up Tristan, left a message on Dillon’s phone, and emailed Damon.

Tristan and I started being friends again. Considering that the last time we spoke he was screaming “She will destroy you!” at Dillon means a great deal, and that he can be played with a great deal harder than I previously thought was possible. That was a horrific night and morning for Tristan. I had him come over to my apartment because I was in the mood to have sex, every man in my life gave me a different kind of sex and I was in the mood for a tortured sex session. The look in his eyes always screamed “I love you, why don’t you love me?!?” And because of this he would fuck me hard and aggressively. I fantasize about that kind of sex often, especially since Tristan hasn’t spoken to me in months. So that night he came over he brought his sister Acer with him. She being my arch enemy and the only one I share my true self with was able to get me to do just about anything. She wanted to go to a bar down the street for a while and since Tristan was only 19 he wouldn’t be able to come with us.

This was fine with me being that I knew Tristan would wait like a good puppy waiting for his master to arrive with a bag of treats that although never filled him up seemed to satisfy him long enough to feel just tortured enough to please me the way I wanted to be pleased. So off me and Acer went. I always drove because she didn’t have a car, I always bought her the cigarettes and alcohol she needed to be social because she didn’t have a job, and I always got anything I wanted in return from her, even her virgin brother. We scout out the place for a spot that was comfortable to drink our beer without drawing to much attention to ourselves. We like to watch and then attack when we find someone suitable to play with. That is when she spotted a man with the cleanest whitest shoes I had ever seen. He was dressed in a tight black shirt and very nice jeans. You could tell from a mile away that he worked out a great deal. His face was rugged but in a good way, lightly bearded in a hands on kind of a manly way. I usually feel as though this type of GQ guy who is generically attractive with a muscular body is like fucking a brick wall, too hard to comfortably fuck because it leaves unsightly bruises on your inner thighs and dumb as a pile of rocks, but there was something off about him and I needed to know what it was.