Feelings. complicated. Yet when you feel something and have to overcome feelings what is the true reality? How can you tell someone that what and how they feel are wrong, how can someone tell you to get over it? Yet how can you get over it if its never been explained, never been closed in your eyes.

In any relationship, your spouse, your friends, your family understanding each other should be there. But if and when its one sided. and no  matter how you try to address your feelings, concerns, worries or fears , try to explain how it could be worked on. Yet all that it ends up in is an argument, everything gets misconcepted and all you end up doing is shutting down. What do you do?

When you look at yourself and realise you are slowly dying inside. How do you address it? How do you figure it out? If what you thought was reality turned out to be all fake, all lies, and you become confused. What do you believe? How do you just go on without fear?

I have always thought of myself as strong, independent and motivated. Recently when my reality turned fake and started a lot of downward spirals all at once as i have done in past i figured oh well suck it up move forward. Nothing went right ever. One thing after another and the next one was worse then last. It seemed no matter what i tried i failed. Most have people who care love and support them. I found myself alone. Which was ironic considering that my whole life i had at any cost at any moment been the one everyone called. I called the people i had who i assumed would be there for me, yet found alot of voice mails, sent messages and received responses normally days or weeks later hearing same line, been too busy.

Now how i have been raised i have never told anyone that. I no matter what never said too busy. Too busy to talk? i didn’t want anything other than someone to talk to. So i keep all inside trying to forget.

When it becomes overwhelming trying to forget, trying to move forward, that you slowly give up. How do you fix it?

Remembering that one day at a time, and the only person i have is myself.