The things I write about now are not easy to understand and so hard to accept. These are feelings nobody knows that I am capable of having.
I have always felt for the things happening around me but i seldom make a display of my emotions (that i have feelings after all). There are times when life’s seems filled with uncertainties and you don’t know what’s going to happen, what the future brings. The thing is, we have come to accept these things as part of our daily lives. We have grown tired of trying to make a difference, of fighting for what we think is right and of trying to make ourselves better. Unmet expectations, a change of priorities, insufficient time became burdens then questions came rushing to my mind. Why must i ask you still about the things you can’t give reasons for or intend not to tell? Tell me why i can’t be there where you are?
My mind filled with uncertainty and i just wouldn’t have a clue. I hold on to them as much as i can for they have become my life. Still in those moments of darkness, i found a few blessings to be thankful of. It’s the way of the world and we know we’ve got the chance to change and the brilliant thing is, there’s a million that we know are always gonna help us take our mind off it. I affirm God have people all lined up ready to help us – at the right time, in the right way. I was amazed at how good and concerned so many people could be. People i don’t even know will come to support… they’ve sent here to find myself back to where it belongs.
Though in search for something, you sacrificed the best things in your life and i found out that i lost a part of me. But i believe that when i cannot do those things i desire to do, it is because God has closed the door only to open another, a better, larger door. If i do not see the door ahead… it is then that God uses the troubles or seeming failure which may result to help us face ourselves and find the inspiration to see the right door. It might not be today but there are tomorrows to come. The right person will come along to fill the right place in just the right time… someone who is just the person you need.
As m.r. pestano said, “there are people who gave so much meaning to our lives even if they cross our path only very briefly. When they move on, they continue to touch our heart.” I carried these disappointments, this confusion and love, to be able to suffer so many indignities and so much pain from someone you trusted. I carried on until the truth had dawned on me, hitting me like a stone and it takes me so long to know where i went wrong. No one can imagine how much i cried, you had hurt me so much and i spent many sleepless nights pondering so many unanswered questions. Trying to understand why the Lord has to take you away. No matter how my friends tried, they couldn’t heal my pain. I’ve been through so much pain since you left. Things have been said and done; i guess it’s over now you’re gone.
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