I have always felt for the things happening around me but i seldom make a display of my emotions (that i have feelings after all). There are times when life’s seems filled with uncertainties and you don’t know what’s going to happen, what the future brings. The thing is, we have come to accept these things as part of our daily lives. We have grown tired of trying to make a difference, of fighting for what we think is right and of trying to make ourselves better. Unmet expectations, a change of priorities, insufficient time became burdens then questions came rushing to my mind. Why must i ask you still about the things you can’t give reasons for or intend not to tell? Tell me why i can’t be there where you are?

My mind filled with uncertainty and i just wouldn’t have a clue. I hold on to them as much as i can for they have become my life. Still in those moments of darkness, i found a few blessings to be thankful of. It’s the way of the world and we know we’ve got the chance to change and the brilliant thing is, there’s a million that we know are always gonna help us take our mind off it. I affirm God have people all lined up ready to help us – at the right time, in the right way. I was amazed at how good and concerned so many people could be. People i don’t even know will come to support… they’ve sent here to find myself back to where it belongs.

Though in search for something, you sacrificed the best things in your life and i found out that i lost a part of me. But i believe that when i cannot do those things i desire to do, it is because God has closed the door only to open another, a better, larger door. If i do not see the door ahead… it is then that God uses the troubles or seeming failure which may result to help us face ourselves and find the inspiration to see the right door. It might not be today but there are tomorrows to come. The right person will come along to fill the right place in just the right time… someone who is just the person you need.

As m.r. pestano said, “there are people who gave so much meaning to our lives even if they cross our path only very briefly. When they move on, they continue to touch our heart.” I carried these disappointments, this confusion and love, to be able to suffer so many indignities and so much pain from someone you trusted. I carried on until the truth had dawned on me, hitting me like a stone and it takes me so long to know where i went wrong. No one can imagine how much i cried, you had hurt me so much and i spent many sleepless nights pondering so many unanswered questions. Trying to understand why the Lord has to take you away. No matter how my friends tried, they couldn’t heal my pain. I’ve been through so much pain since you left. Things have been said and done; i guess it’s over now you’re gone.

I couldn’t think of losing all we had gained, only to find out that we really didn’t know where we are headed for and it eventually lead us to parting ways. It’s hard to believe that it’s over between us… the season that i had her in my life was the best, and so was she. She was the loveliest dream that had come to my life and she will always be… but somehow, i need assurance to keep me from guessing and leave me hanging in the open. I know that it’s not the end of the world but it hurts to say when you let go of someone you truly love. I guess it’s time to make a new start… i should be moving on. That’s the only way to go and pick it up and start again. By then, i could say i had tried and done as much as i had to make the relationship work but you gave your attention to somebody else. You left me standing alone and i know I have to face tomorrow by myself.

Was this part of God’s plan for me? Was her disappearance, the breaking up supposed to serve some purpose? Those are things i hope i will never have to put away but the decision to change and the act of changing were your choices. Only then did i get a glimpse of my ignorance and i got no way of knowing what the future gonna bring. So i’ll just listen to my heart “cause it never lied to me. Unfortunately, in loving myself and shielding myself from hurt, i know i will hurt others.

I keep them away who wanted to love me and i won”t be opening the door to let some beautiful experiences happen. And yet, i was (and probably still am) too scared of what love and commitment will bring to me. I’m still not ready to give it another try. I know i will learn to trust again even if it means getting betrayed and i will be loving even if it means crying in the end. Nothing’s quite the same now, you don’t want me back but i hope i could find you in another place and time. Now you see… little do they know that i look tough but i am FRAGILE eventually…