It’s official. I am definitely going out of my gourd. I have been stuck in this house for the past six weeks recovering from surgery. I’m here to tell you that sitting around all day is not as easy as it looks, and that I’m going to end up in some padded room recovering from a lobotomy. Do people actually recover from those?

I have now watched every Matlock, Murder She Wrote, and Walker, Texas Ranger rerun in existence in the free world. The reason I have watched them is because I couldn’t stomach to watch one more Law and Order rerun. I have organized every cabinet, closet, room and filing cabinet in my house. I have done so much laundry that I actually came to the bottom of our dirty laundry hamper, which is something I haven’t seen in at least 10 years. Just as an aside, it does actually have a bottom. As if that is not bad enough, I have even folded and put away all the clothes. Every night before going to bed, I clean the kitchen. Even my plants are alive. I have completed every crossword puzzle in my home which is no small feat let me tell you. I believe that I can now confidently apply for a job as a crossword puzzle maker, or cruciverbalist, as they are called. And you thought I was just joking.

In between all the strenuous brain activity entailed in concluding all those crossword puzzles, I’ve determined that I should not be left alone for long periods of time because all I do is think about food. A long period of time for me is about 10 or 15 minutes. I don’t think about good food, either. Only bad food. The only reason my counters aren’t lined with cakes, cookies, brownies, and pies (well, ok, not pies. I don’t know how to make pies) is because my oven is broken, which, until this point, has been a good thing. I did buy some of that slice and bake chocolate chip cookie dough, though. I sliced it all up nice and pretty, arranged it ever so Martha Stewarty on a plate and ate it…..all. My daughter asked me for a piece, and I told her no. Not only that, I told her if I caught her eating any of my food she was going to be grounded at someone else’s house so she could eat their food and leave mine alone.