Today in the adventures of Couchgirl and the Roomate we sought out to steal my ex’s couch. It was one of those nice deep ass-print couches. I was gazing at my small loveseat that I victoriously won when things fell apart and realized, I needed to steal the other one, as it would be optimal for stretching out. And so we set out for an  epic adventure to break in and take back his couch. But first, a session. Ahhh… that’s better.

We piled into my car and set off. First we stopped at McDonald’s. Mmmm McChicken. Then we pulled over in a dead end, just perfect for another session. Finally we arrived at his house. We forgot to come up with a plan to break in. Suddenly, the Roomate exclaims, “We could break in through the sewer system.” We wrinkled our noses at her as I said, “Or we could climb onto his balcony.” “That’s boring!” the Roomate replied. Then the Couchgirl got an idea, “Why don’t you call him and invite him over.”

Brilliant. I gave him a call. and of course he agreed to come running, salivating like one of Pavlov’s dogs. As we sat and waited for him to leave we had another session. Bet you weren’t expecting that. I buzzed some random person who let me in. People should really ask if you are an axe murderer before letting you blindly into their homes; just as a safety precaution….but they don’t.  As we entered the apartment, Couchgirl scrubbed his toilet with a toothbrush as I threw his porn around.

We lugged that gigantic couch out to my car and tied it to my roof. We brought it into the apartment, deemed this the day couchgirl got a new couch, and had a long session.