I look at the world, wondering where my place in it is. I wonder if it is all really worth it. Is it? We go through pain greater than many can imagine. We are forced to stare fear straight in the face. We’re made to find a way to deal, cope, and handle trial after trial. Most of us are terrified of walking out of our doors, fearing what the world may think of us, scared of how they’ll react to us, thinking about nothing other than how we’ll be judged. I look at the world and see that one can only make it based on looks and connections; who knows who. We all want to be known. We all want to be loved by all. The reality is, were not going to be known. No one is ever going to care about us enough to know who we really are. People may know your name, or your pretty face, or what street your huge house is on. But no one is going to know you; not everything about you.

And love? Does anyone know the actual meaning of that word? We toss that word around like it can be tossed around. That word means pain, and only pain. We attach to someone, and they leave us; a friendship breaks, or a relationship crumbles, or someone leaves this earth completely, never to be seen again until reunification in Heaven. Why love? Why have feelings? Being happy only lasts a fragment of a second, and before you know it, you’re on your bathroom floor, crying while the tub fills so that no one can hear you. Before you know it, razor blades become your arm’s best friends. Before you know it, you’re on a lifelong quest that you don’t even realize to become thin and noticed; to be liked by someone; a guy; a normal, average guy. Before you know it, you lose all grip of life, binging and purging become second nature, anger roots down from deep inside, making a permanent home for itself, and the word fun becomes a stranger. Worry overpowers your mind. Stress takes over your body. And while all this is going on inside of you, no one cares enough to care. The world is wrapped up in their own little world; spending money like they have it to spend, gossiping like they’re not ruining someone’s life by doing so. While we’re in pain, others are shopping; drinking cocktails at a nearby bar, hitting on other men and women in hopes to get laid that night.