Fast forward 12 months to March 2008:

I am back at the Pead’s but this time it is with Taj, not for Tyson. After about an hour, the Pead is about as baffled as I am about what area of the autism spectrum Taj will ‘land in’.  There is diffinately something there but we are just not too sure what. I am thinking ADHD, the Pead is thinking that and high-functioning autism.  The things about Taj that the Pead really noted was how much energy he has and how little Taj concentrates – not good when you are travelling a full speed.  Because the Pead has a long waiting list for assessments, Taj is referred onto DSC (state government body) so that they can do a formal assessment.

One of the assessors at DSC was also one of the assessors who did Tyson 12 months earlier. Thankfully, she remembered Taj and how ‘hypo’ he was….. and that he now has more energy.  After three hours, the assessment is all finished.  I was more exhausted than Taj – he was still running around, as happy as larry, from one item to the other.

When the phone call came a month later and I was told that Taj has PDD-NOS, I felt like a train had hit me. I think this is because all the research I had been doing had been about ASD – I didn’t know that there was another end to the spectrum and it scared me.  What hurt the most, though, was being told that Taj would probably be non-verbal his whole life and that I should brace myself for this.  After what seemed a lifetime, I hung up the phone and……. Cried!! Lots!  I sobbed and sobbed for my little boy. I cried because I thought both my boys were going to be doomed, that they were never going have a ‘normal’ life.

Essentially, I started to grieve for the children I wasn’t going to have.

This only lasted about two days for me.  For some parents, it can last alot longer, and this is fine.  I have a knack for being able to bounce back quickly from whatever it is that life throws at me.  I started writing up a list of all the good things about ASD and PDD-NOS.  I read up about other families with ASD children and what their experiences have been.  I think it was this that ’saved’ me so to speak.  There are families out there who are doing it waaaaay tougher than I am and this is what I concentrate on when ‘the going gets tough’.

Today, although we are not the happiest-go-lucky family, we are a close-knit family.  The ‘grief’ we felt after diagnosis has finally passed and we are now able to focus 100% on our boys and making sure that we, as parents, do the best that we can do.

Thank you for reading,

Roxy

This article is about our experience with the ‘grieving process’ after the initial diagnosis.  In the near future, I will write about a different kind of ‘grief’ I have experienced when ‘things change’.

Stay tuned…..