1.  I’ll give more money to my church each week  in 2009, except for last week when I forgot my wallet at home and/or for any Sunday where I disagree with what the preacher says or if anybody sitting in the pew next to me looks at me in a funny way.

2.  I’ll be kind to all my neighbors in 2009, with the exception of Mrs. Engelbrauten, who had that gaudy wheelchair ramp built on the front of her house.

3.  I’ll be a courteous driver in 2009, except for this morning when I made rude gestures at the guy who cut in front of me when I was on the entrance ramp.

4.  I’ll be generous with my money, except I refuse to give to anybody who wants a handout simply because they refuse to get a job themselves, and I’m not buying gifts for my siblings or nieces and nephews any more because I hardly see them.

5.  I’ll lose twenty pounds in 2009, hoping to get rid of the ten pounds I gained in the last week of 2008 plus the ten pounds that I pledged to get rid of in 2008.

6.  I’ll be loving to all, except to my Great Aunt Ruth, Uncle George, Cousin Bob, Mr. McGillicuddy down the street who steals my newspapers on Sundays, and anyone who criticizes me or looks at me in a funny way.

7.  I’ll work out in the gym at least twice a week, except for last week and this week and possibly next week (work schedules, you know).

8.  I’ll spend less time playing video games in 2009, as soon as I finish the Virtual Football 2009 Tournament (hey I have a chance to win).

9.  I’ll be a better listener in 2009 to friends in need.  I know that Jim said he really needed someone to talk to yesterday, but I was really busy downloading new tunes for my mp3 player.

10.  I’ll stop procrastinating.  As soon as I get these submitted, I’ll find my 2008 resolutions and try to finish those up too.  I’ll have this all done by, oh, January 5.