I am flying back from a trip to visit family, and friends that are like family.  On my return trips, I always find myself reviewing the conversations and encounters that I had during the visit.  The first thing I always have to do is wonder if I offended anyone, or neglected anyone, or was inadvertently rude to anyone.  I don’t know if everyone worries about this as much as I do, but I don’t have time to think about that.  I have to do my reviews sort of quickly, because I usually have another trip or get-together planned soon.  And following that, another review session.

During this trip, while telling a story to Mrs. Houk, I splashed some beer on her white shirt.  Nice, Pam.  You see the woman once every 2-3 years and you have to christen her with PBR right off the bat?  The rest of the conversation goes well, but what will stand forth in my mind is the PBR spill.  I can assure you that the amount spilled was minimal, because I am pretty stingy with my PBR.  Doesn’t matter.  In my mind, I completely doused her.  Fast forward a bit, and I am talking to some of Mrs. Houk’s adult children, and I drop a can of beer.  Again, another great conversation, but foremost in my mind is and will be the spilled beer.  I wasn’t drunk when either of these things happened.  I was far from it.  But I was excited that everyone was there, probably a little nervous, and for sure, as animated as I always am.  I can’t tell a story without using my hands, and often a leg or two, and sometimes even a prop or other person is necessary.

The odd thing is that very soon after a get-together, I will only remember the best parts about everyone I met and saw that day.  I am never as critical of others.  And in the logical part of my brain, I am p-r-e-t-t-y  sure that the people I am with only remember those parts of their encounter with me.  But that little glimmer of doubt, that small part of me that is intensely critical of my behavior, has it’s say in the matter, for sure. 

You would  think that the bright side of this would be that I would slow down when I tell a story, or be more aware of what can be spilled or dropped.  But had I drank only out of a sippy cup, and duct-taped my drink to my hands, I would have found something else that I had done wrong, to be sure.  I laughed too loudly, or not loudly enough.  I should have spent more time talking to this person, or that person.  I should have spent less time talking to this person or that person.

I only tell this story because people often tell me that I am the most self-assured person that they know, and while I feel like I am pretty confident, I am also pretty critical of myself after the fact. 

So the next time you see someone that you think you might be a little envious of because of their self-assured behavior, remember that they may spend the trip home critiquing themselves more harshly than you ever would yourself.  And try to go easy on both them and yourself.