Not too long ago I attended a dinner party where an interesting discussion erupted somewhere between the second glass of Chardonnay and the hor dourves. The topic has apparently been making the rounds on the cocktail party circuit for quite some time and centers on a very simple but fundamental question: What happens to us after we die? We are, however, only given two choices: dirt or a rocking chair.

The first choice is the dirt scenario. In other words, we die, are buried, and take the long dirt nap. There is no heaven, no reincarnation, no afterlife; just dirt until our body has dissolved into individual atoms. The alternative is the rocking chair scenario presented in the following manner. We die and then get to spend eternity in a rocking chair on God’s front porch.

I ran a market research group and understand how easily a survey’s outcome can be manipulated by the way a question is phrased. My first reaction was appropriately one of concern over the limitations imposed by this choice. Heaven has been portrayed in countless ways, almost all more sophisticated than a simple rocking chair but I had to admit that it was an effective shorthand device for representing the hereafter. After all it was just dinner party chatter. I noted the potential for bias and let it pass.

About half of the guests came down on each side of this question. I found this interesting in that it appeared to mirror the religious/secular split currently raging across our society on a grander scale. Being raised a Catholic with its well-defined concept of heaven I personally had a reflexive response to side with the rocking chair crowd. I was comfortable with the theological baggage that came with my choice but I was also curious as to what insights I could glean as to why the dirt responders held the opposing position with its corresponding philosophical luggage.

Digging a bit deeper, one rationale floated to the top. The rocking chair scenario was not being rejected primarily because of an inherent problem with the concept of religion or even a supreme being. After you cut through all the clutter the real motivation was actually that the thought of relaxing in a rocking chair for all of eternity was so boring that it was frightening. Once you got past the jokes and snide remarks this group felt there was no heavenly representation that would be bearable for an entire eternity. For these responders being sentenced to do anything forever is akin to being condemned to hell. By its absence of perpetual boredom the non-existence of the dirt option is actually the scenario that offered the most happiness after death.