Tonight was it – the breaking point. For me, I just couldn’t hold my feelings and hurts inside any longer. While I have suffered depression and suicidal thoughts for years, and cried many times…. tonight it just all hit me. I cried a short cry, those precious cleansing tears – and I cannot begin to tell you how much better I feel! It’s funny how nothing changes in our circumstances sometimes, and yet our hearts change – our attitude and emotions. So many people watch reality shows now, and for me tonight it was The Biggest Loser. I’ve watched the show for years, and found it entertaining, motivating, encouraging. But one of the contestants was talking about how the show has changed her life, and she stated how she used to watch the show, the weigh ins, all the while eating ice cream and gaining weight herself! THAT IS ME!!! I watch the show and eat, often things that are not good for me. I am motivated to exercise, and then my health gets me down. I have previously written about my PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) and some of the ways it has affected my life. We ALL have those struggles – whether they be health related, overweight, underweight, tall, short, other physical imperfections, personality conflicts, emotional wounds, relationship problems, insecurities, whatever it might be for you.

For me, I’ve felt like my life was just shutting down. My body seems to be failing me, which causes me not to be able to work. If I don’t work, I can’t pay my bills or buy necessary things for life. Getting calls and letters about reposessing my car was an all-time low for me. These situations just make you feel worse about yourself, especially when you know the holidays are coming up. And feeling bad about myself causes people to judge me or withdraw from me. The viscous cycle just never seems to end. We’re all feeling the crunch and pressure of the struggling economy, and we all have those challenges in our life that just never seem to disappear completely. Well, tonight, it all just hit me.

But, as I laid there crying, somehow a determination set in. I WILL have the life I want, in spite of all these things. Somehow, even though I have failed, and may fail again, I WILL keep trying. I’ve heard it said that we can live only so long without food, water, air, etc… but the one thing we cannot live without is HOPE. Somehow, I will find a way to get off the couch, earn the money my family so desperately needs, lose the weight I have always wanted to lose, be the person I have always wanted to be.

Suddenly it just dawned on me, just as noone can make me feel inferior without my consent – no circumstance can be my ultimate destruction unless I let it! I’m making this choice to find the strength within me. For me, that strength also lies within my Lord and Savior. You have to find that HOPE and STRENGTH too. You CAN do it! Hang in there, tomorrow brings a new day and new opportunities. There is always someone who cares, so find that person and hang on like there’s no tomorrow! Turn your tears into triumph!!