I was the sprinting captain of my high school track team for 2 years. Although there are many goals set durring the season, our biggest goal was to have fun. So here are 15 thing I learned running for my school. They are essential for the survival of any male track athlete

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1. “Jog”- (v) a slow trot, usualy slower than a normal walk, when no one is looking. a good warm up.

2. If you have a tatoo on your arm, your probably fast.

3. Being white is awsome, cause you stand out, especialy cause your usualy in last place.

4. Shin splints- (n) usualy a cheap excuse to get out of practice, or a race you don’t want to run. A great method of backing down from a race you mistakenly voulenteered for.

5. Eat whats offered to you, even if you know youll puke, puke means less weight to carry, and plus, you dont know if youll ever get home.

6. Plastic bags make great thermal wear.

7. Dont mess with the girls throwers, theyll kick your ass. oh and those little shorts are probly more of a turn on to the gay kid on the team than the girls. no one wants to see more of your hairy legs than they need to.

8. Holding girls blocks is cool. So is wishing the biggest blackest guy next to you good luck, then burning him.

9. Running in the last heat usualy means you suck. quit and play tennis.

10. “Volunteer”- (v) possibly the dumbest thing you can do if you already are good, second to puking in front of the girls team, or forgetting your shoes.

11. make the freshman do it.

12. Sometimes you just suck. Playing air guitar at the starting line or singing aloud distracts the focused kids. this also counts as stretching.

13. Dont mess with the distance runners.

14. Running in lane 1 doesnt mean your the fastest but lane 8 means you are the slowest.

15. “cool down jog” – (n) jogging out of imediate vision of the coach, walking the rest of a lap, talking to people on your way, going inside and playing basketball.