As she grew she became more aware of her surroundings, and I was enthralled with learning everything about her. There were many trips to the pediatrician for uncertain rashes, or unusual crying, but she was very healthy.

Her first “boo-boo” set me to tears. She was 5 months old, getting a diaper change and I did not even realise her head was caught. She was stuck and wailing. I was cleaning up a rather explosive poop, and attempted to sooth her. There was not even a mark from the incident, but I was shattered. I, Mommy, The protector, had “hurt” my baby. I left the meeting I was at, my mother had been there, knew something was up. I went home, walked in the house and cried like, well, a baby. My husband assumed, by the way that I was crying, that I had permanently disfigured our child (who was sound asleep). He hugged me, then went to check on her. He looked at me as though I had lost my mind.

“There is not even a mark on her.” He said to me “What on earth are you crying about”

The truth was, I knew that she was okay, but I had hurt her. Even for a brief moment, even though there was probably no pain, just distress from being restrained, I made her cry.

I vowed that it would never happen again. Sadly, it has, they have to be held for shots, and other examinations and teeth cleaning. I really believe that the shots are more painful for Mommy and Daddy then they are for the baby.

She has since fallen, and received many bumps, scrapes and bruises, but nothing (for us so far) compares to the first “boo-boo”. Thankfully, we have encountered nothing that was truly serious enough to warrant a hospital visit.

When your child reaches the milestones, your heart bursts with joy. When they cry, your heart breaks, when you say no and they do not understand why, you want to give in to spare them the hurt. But the truth is, you cannot give in. You cannot put them in danger, or say “Hey, it’s okay to play with the electrical outlet” so you have to say no.

Parents have a harder time than most kids realise. I know, for me, it is 100 times harder to be a parent, than it ever was to be a kid. Most parents want the very best for their kids. Most parents never want to see their kids get hurt. In reality, it’s just not possbile to be perfect, or to be the best, or even to keep them completely from harm. Kids learn from getting hurt, and from your mistakes as well. I have not figured out why it hurts so much to show your child you are not perfect.

Every fear, every tear, will cause you at least a discomfort. You are not alone in this, and sadly it is “normal” but the plus side is, you care, or you would not feel this way.

My daughter is 2 1/2 and there are so many adventures that we have been on, with so many more to go.  my heart is connected to her. When she is not home, I miss her. When I work my four hours a week and cannot take her, I feel guilty.

I have discovered that being a parent is the MOST rewarding job for me, but it is also certainly the most painful. I would never exchange that pain for anything if it meant not having my daughter in my life.