Very Recently, I was contacted by an ex-boyfriend of mine. Without going into too many personal details, we can just say his influence was less-than positive. The good that came out of that relationship was that I had to analyze what was keeping me there. Self-esteem, not being assertive enough, Loneliness, hesitation, placing his needs before mine, confusion, etc. Oh, but he loves me so much, how can I feel this way? All of my friends love him, so what’s my problem? Unfortuantly, I had no tools when I met him as to how to deal with that type of a situation. Now I do, thank goodness! Upon the initial contact, I was overwhelmed with pain. The biggest obstacle that held me back in that situation was that I ignored my instincts, my inner-guidance system. Now, I’m a good person, right? So why did I have to meet someone so deceptive (I discovered how much he really had been lying once I was out of the relationship for good). And it was difficult because during my grieving period, I didn’t really know who I was so upset about since I didn’t really know who he was. Now I can really feel for Anne Hathaway! 

Now, in order to successfully move on from situations in your past, your first gotta let yourself feel your feelings and not have to do a damn thing about them. Yes, I know, it’s terrifying. You mean, I have to feel such horrible emotions like rage, anger, fear, and jealousy? Yes, because the sooner you feel those pesky suckers, you can move on. I know that for me, I tend to overbook myself when I don’t want to feel something. Then, I end up overwhelmed, stressed-out, and tired. So, yes, feel your feelings. Step two is to claim responsibility for any part you had in creating that type of dynamic in the relationship. This will also help you feel less like a victim or more like a person who needs to look at the areas in their life they need to improve on. Step three is to express your heartbreak in some type of way. It could be writing, poetry, singing, dancing, or acting in a tumultuous break-up scene. Step four is to get as many books as you can that classifies your type of relationship and read them! You’ll gain insight/perception as to what that relationship was doing for you. What purpose was it serving for you at that point in your life? Step five is to try to see what you could learn from that relationship. I know, how can I learn anything from so and so? He’s a complete irresponsible, selfish,….I know. But, surprisingly, there is a lesson that person can offer you if you can let a little but of positive light shine through. Step 6 is optional, but very rewarding. Make some kind of closing ceremony. Hey, Jennifer Aniston made a bon-fire when she and Brad Pitt broke up. So why can’t you? Just be careful to not set your apartment on fire! Lastly, be patient. Sometimes, depending on the relationship, it can take some time before you can really understand what you can gain from going through an unhealthy relationship. But the answers will come through, I promise:)