My passion for expression is something I have had during my entire lifetime.

It is a part of my existential being. Probably, because I grew up very lonely without much social contact and the fact that I have a special gift, made me eve more eager to draw attention.

Always being bullied and ignored have but their marks on me.

First problem I have is my loud voice and a speech disorder. Yes, I sound and when people tend to avoid me because of it, I often just start yelling. This is beyond my control.

Also I do have a very irritating voice, so performing arts, like singer or actor is not for me. Even my looks work against me. Since I was little, I always been severely over-weighted and this also caused me a lot of tears in our cruel, visual society.

But I do want to entertain. I tried hard to belong. One diet after and another causing more frustration and at the end making me gain more than I lost. I do suffer binge eating disorder and social pressure makes me crack till I will eat myself to death.

My big dream of being a performer, I had to give up. Nature does not work on me. Whenever I open my mouth people run, if I do not scare them away with my obese looks.

I am a simple girl that wanted to get married and have a family, like most others I know. Fate also worked against me there. For my pen is my partner and my writings my children.

So writing is my only way to make art, since my drawing and sculpture crafts are also of a level that academies are not willing to take me.

I dropped out of college, since I am not that brilliant in science. But I still believe I can write great poems and books. My imagination never lets me down, while people always did.

That is why I like to share my idea, experiences and art, since I am sure I am not the only one who’s life did not work out.

You may chose what you wish, but this does not always come true. I wanted a loving and caring partner and a family. But you can not chose who you marry, since people have a free will and the men I loved always picked another. Being left on the bench is what I am used to.

That is why I lost ambition in love. I am working on a horror novel. My biggest goal is to have it done, the story written and the style edited to have a certain level. Will I find a publisher? Who knows? Bad luck can not chase me forever.

I am not a pessimist. If I were I would have killed myself by now. So I write and please myself first. Do I like my self written stories? Yes, I love them. They are my legacy and my certainty that a part of me will live on.