As time went on my hope that she would maybe give me a shot continually faded little by little.. She seemed to be falling for Chandler more and more and I knew I couldn’t do anything about it.. They have now been going out for 2 months and now I don’t even talk with Hannah at all anymore. I, in my stupidity and depression told her that I couldn’t be friends with her anymore and I told her exactly why I couldn’t. I was constantly beating the hell out of myself and trying to hold myself together every time I saw her and every time she and I talked. I still regret telling her that but I just had to. So now every time we do decide to cross each others paths I just look down and say nothing. She probably knows what I’m thinking when I do this because she is the only person I ever shared my thoughts and feelings with and she knows me better than my family… Truthfully I miss her and I miss talking to her and I just miss everything about her.. Even if I have to see her and Chandler together, I would rather take the pain and be able to be friends with her again… I guess the saying goes “the more you suffer, the more it shows you really care”. I just wish she could see inside of me and feel what I feel and think what I think, even if it was just for a minute I think she would give me a chance. I am probably one of the deepest guys one could meet and these words only are a fraction of what I feel. 

To Be Continued