Dear Hanes,

Let me start this e-mail by saying thank you. Thank you for providing me with comfortable undies, tees, and bras for as long as I can remember. Thank you for providing my fiancee with an entire wardrobe of white v-neck ComfortSoft t-shirts that he wears religiously. Whether it’s around the house, or out for fine-dining, he never wears anything but a Hanes V-neck.

You have consistently given the world quality products that are fairly durable and always comfortable, and for that, I praise you. However, here’s where my problem comes in. We recently ordered three new 5-packs of his aforementioned favorite shirt from none other than Hanes.com, and I am heartbroken over what we received. Instead of the crisp, pressed neck we are accustomed to, the necklines of nearly all of these shirts were bunched and clearly sewn by an inattentive hand. By the second wash, the necklines started “ruching” to a degree only acceptable for a woman to wear. Instead of the fitted shirts whose hemline reaches just the top of his jean pockets, now we have shirts that have shrunk to be short and wide, unflattering, and ill-fitting.

If I were marrying a short, wide woman, with a love of ruffles, then these Men’s size Medium, Hanes ComfortSoft V-Necks, would be perfect for her. However, since that is not the case, these new shirts are a calamity, and are quickly leaving the closet and finding their way to the mass grave of dust rags under the kitchen sink.

A quick google search revealed to me that Fruit of the Loom is your biggest competitor. Now, I’ve never cared for those fruity bastards, but I can’t help but wonder how THEIR V-necks fit; how they would hold up after washing; what their width-to-height shrink ratio is… It can’t possibly be any worse than the product that was delivered to my house. And for that, I’m afraid that they may have to be my new go-to company for my household’s innerwear needs, and that devastates me. After being truly brand loyal for this long, I can’t imagine life with a basket of fruit on my tag. For that matter, I can’t imagine life WITH a tag.

Please don’t do this to me, Hanes. Please let me know that this was a fluke and you’re still making the same high-quality products you’ve always made. I want us to make this work.

Tentatively yours,