Dear John,

I am sorry it didn’t work out. I need time to find out what I am made of. We were living in a dream world. We both want to have a loving husband/wife. We both want nice children, live in a house we own with a two car garage and all the necessities we need. We both want to live a dream. To you I would look as young as I did when I was 17. And you would be President of some company. I would like to live that life but its’ not for me. I want to be able to live by myself, be independent and not have to rely on anyone else for anything. Before I settle down I want to be financially secure not be secure on someone else.

We shouldn’t have lived together during Christmas. I don’t’ want to have sex with every man I will meet. You wouldn’t believe how many Virgins there are at college. I’m not going to make the same mistakes. Ever since we started living together it went down hill because you took me away from GOD. You say “I don’t feel like going to church.” I agreed because I loved you and wanted to grow with you. I honestly thought you and GOD have a relationship like I do with HIM. Now I can say I love GOD then Mom and then you. I will not put a man before GOD ever again. I hoped that when we went to church you would see that I was losing GOD in my life. I was saved when we broke up.

I have put GOD before anybody. GOD has helped me realize why he took my Dad away. My Dad wanted Me to have the world. I can’t be all I can be if I feel responsible to telling you everything. I don’t want to be dependent on anyone at this point in my life. Maybe when I’m in my late 20’s I’ll be ready. But now I want to see the world. I love the feeling of having you there to protect me and love me and care but I’m not ready to love anyone at this point of my life. I got to prove to myself I can be anything. If we got married and you died or wasn’t able to work where would I be? I want to be secure by myself before I have to depend on anyone else. The sex part, even though it was a mistake, I really enjoyed it. When we got together in Sept I should have never let myself sleep with you again. I knew GOD then but I turned my back on him when you came. I felt like I had to choose but never again. I love the feeling of being able to say I got a relationship with GOD in my heart.