A personal memory that flashed through my mind when I got the news that my daughter was sick. It didn’t matter that we didn’t always see eye to eye. Now I pray, wait and hope for hre healing.
I’m in the age of this computer technology and I’ve just received an E-mail from my daughter. My daughter asked me, “Why did my grandmother help raise me and why were you gone most of the time while I was growing up.” My daughter was also curious about her mom because her memory appeared foggy. She wondered when we changed from friends to foe. With a loving and humbled heart this is my letter to my daughter.
I started by saying, “Baby I’ll do my best to answer your questions, so that you may have some understanding and clarity. After me and your dad got a divorce, I needed to prove I could make it without his input, since his infidelity destroyed the family unit and I became your mother and your father.Yes when you were young I worked a lot, to provide what I thought you needed. Mostly to have you live in better neighborhoods, and keep you away from drugs and scary individuals’ that is why I worked so long and so hard. I realized mostly that I saw you when I was standing over your bed while you laid in slumber. I’ve always paid more than what was reasonable for your childcare, because I could afford it, and thought it would be the incentive for them to provide better care in my absence. I brought you the best in clothing and jewelry, because that’s how much I loved you. That’s also the reason you were born, because I wanted and needed someone to love.”
“When I was growing up, I didn’t always understand the strict and harshness I felt from the parenting that I had received as a child. I felt misunderstood and lonely, while very apprehensive of messing up and not measuring up. When I was a Paramedic, I received an emergency call for a sick child that turned out to be for you. I feared that the babysitter’s sons were doing something perverted to you, and/or molesting you due to the nature of the call. That was the reason I let grandma watch you, because I knew you would be safe. The reason I left town and moved to California, was because when I was employed as a Correctional Officer, I was used as a decoy to get an escaped convict back into custody. I began to receive death threats against me and my family. I moved the furthest away from Baltimore to protect you and my family and keep you safe. I believe like anything else that through your teenage years, you were trying to grow up and exert your independence.”
“You no longer wanted to share your thoughts with me, and the distance between us grew. I always felt comfortable with the responsibility of taking care of you but you wanted more freedom without understanding the consequences of life, that through my mistakes, I tried to shield you from.”
“Even though it appeared I held on too tight, I just didn’t want you to fall into the traps that I had fallen into. I always stayed in close proximity, just in case you needed somewhere to run, also, I didn’t want to lose the best thing in my life, which you are. I needed to be the type of mother with whom you could discuss anything that you feared, regardless of what it was. I wanted you to know that talking to me would always be alright. I wanted the best for you, my beautiful black baby, and I did whatever I could to provide that. So honey, hopefully, you will understand that you will have to learn, to see things with your heart and not always through your eyes, in order to really know what matters… and I believe that’s when maturity starts.”
Brought a tear to my eye…in a good way. 
This is very moving. Spoken straight from the heart. I always enjoy your work.
A very powerful message to your daughter…. The sacrifices of a mother for her child is never understood till the child becomes a parent. that is when they realise that life that their mother gave them was done to the best of her ability given the circumstances that she was put in… I really hope your girl appreciates the life you gave her as you were the best protector she could ever have. Thank you for sharing
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