Dear Paranoid EX Girlfriend,

Much as I do not really want to acknowledge your dire existence I came into a realization that I need only to breath in order to antagonize you.  And since I have greatly missed practicing archery, let me just throw some arrows to the right direction.

• Do read my article about- How to lose a guy in a few text, I can enumerate four of your existing characteristics that made the mark

• Do read books other than the ones which tackle how to reclaim your EX back.  Those self help articles you are hoarding are not really helpful unless you drug him and put him under hypnosis (barring kidnapping and crazy threats)

• Do take a sport other than stalking, its beneficial not only to your heart but also to your appearance

• Do learn to minimize desperation, flooding your wall and his with love messages is not winning you any brownie points other than a nomination for being pathetic

• Do learn the meaning of self respect, so other people will follow suit

• Do learn to be independent and self reliant, you are not the Queen Bee

• Do cut back on histrionics, there are no vacancies in the theatre

• Do brush up on basic law- Ignorance does not excuse an offense.  Learn the difference between slander and libel before somebody slap you with a lawsuit for the nasty rumors you have concocted

• Do use your God’s given brain on other things like self growth because you are acting like a brat and a moron

                

                                            

P.S. This would have been amusing had we been fighting for the same guy. Unfortunately, your imagination is overactive, so is your paranoia.