Things I wish she knew, but never will know.
I wish I could tell you how much distress you’ve caused me. I wish you knew how much you hurt me. But most of all, I wish you knew how much you used to mean to me. We used to be so close, doing everything together, laughing, talking, and fretting over petty things. When you were sad, I was always there to comfort you. When you were scared I helped keep the monsters away. When you were angry, I let you take your wrath out on me. When you were down, I would build you up. But you never did the same for me. Your mind was always a mystery to me; I never knew what you would do next. All I knew is that I would be right along side you when you did it. We were friends, but then I wanted to be something more. I never told you, but you knew. For a while you enjoyed the attention, every longing glance, every lingering goodbye. You let me chase after you for years, amused at my fumbling attempts to display my affection. You used me to clear obstacles blocking your path. A single word of discomfort and I was on a crusade to find the solution to your problems. And then, you were done with me. You cast me aside, threw me away, like an empty wrapper. Suddenly you wanted no more to do with me. You started avoiding me at first, until I got the message. But that wasn’t enough for you. You weren’t finished in your wicked ways yet. Next you crafted rumors; poisonous lies that instantly tainted any who heard them. I was isolated, cut off from my friends and anyone who ever cared about me. I thought you were the only one that understood me, I trusted you! I was wrong. Suddenly my life was dashed against the rocks and splintered into a million pieces. All I had worked so hard for gone. With no support structure, I found myself trapped. I saw only one way out, only one hope for happiness. That night, I attempted to force myself to pass into the great beyond. But I failed, I was weak, hopeless. I couldn’t even do THAT right. When you learned about it you claimed to be the real victim. “Stop guiltripping me” you said. “Everyone is gonna blame me when you die”. That’s all you really cared about, as long as your reputation was safe it didn’t matter what happened to me. And then, “Go ahead and do it, I’m not responsible for you. See if I care”. That night I attempted that tabooed act once again, only to be caught. I was forced to get help, forced to collect the pieces of my life and slowly put them back together. Meanwhile you were having the best time of your life. But you know what’s worse than the fact that I was never thanked for all the stuff I ever did for you? You know what’s worse than the fact that you never gave me an apology for all the pain you caused me? The fact that you got away with it. While I lay helpless, my life in ruins, you were out partying and living life as if nothing had ever happened. There was no punishment, no retribution, no karma. Just silence. But what hurts me the most, is the fact that after all we went through together, you never bothered to see the real me. I could wish all kinds of nasty things would befall you, but I won’t do that. The only thing I have left is my dignity, and I intend to keep it. While I don’t forgive you, nor ever think I will, I wish that someday you may come to realize what you’ve done.
Welcome to Authspot, the spot for creative writing.
Read some stories and poems, and be sure to subscribe to our feed!