This is an e-mail my sister sent two years before she died. I think she was trying to illustrate that our own nutty family pales in comparison to her in-laws!

Hi Cathy,

I was on my hands and knees, vacuuming the dining area. (It’s the only way the carpet will get clean.) (And no, I don’t usually do this.) I had to stop, I was laughing so hard. I just had to tell someone about this!

This is another “Jones vs. Jones”. (You remember Carl’s family.) My sister in-law’s (Gina) girls were cat-sitting while the neighbors were away. Liza (11 yrs. old) told her Aunt Lucy (Carl’s other sister) that the neighbors hardly ever fed the cats. There wasn’t enough food for the week. Diana (Gina’s older daughter) had to go out and buy more food.

When the Shay’s (neighbors) get home, Lucy marches over and tells them she’s going to report them for animal cruelty. Apparently she said a lot more and got into it with the Shays.

Next, Lucy calls Carl’s dad in California. (Who by the way, did one of his famous disappearing acts — left without such a word, not that anyone would give a rat’s ass.) These two have a very unusual dad/daughter relationship. Only she knows where and how to reach him. He never calls his wife or anyone else. (Personally, I’m just glad he’s gone.)

Good ole gramps takes pen and paper in hand. Writes scathing letter to Shays in Maryland — remember now, gramps in California. States something like we (gramps and Shays) will have a man-to-man talk when he gets back.

Carl’s long-suffering mom gets wind of all this. She is mortified. Very apologetic, she goes over to Shay’s and warns them to expect a letter from gramps. Shays tell her they already got it. Meanwhile, Lucy calls Gina and yells about not protecting her daughters from the Shay’s. (Gina hangs up.)

I could not believe this, all over cat food! (This has nothing to do with me not being very fond of cats.) I heard about it last Sunday after you left. Carl’s mom brought over some clothes for my birthday. (Which as usual, did not fit.) So Carl, mom and I went to the mall. She poured out the whole story in the fitting room. (Forty-five minutes later, still in fitting room.)

Oh, by the way, Liza didn’t open the right closet of cat food. (Carl is totally embarrassed. Please don’t let on that you know this part of the Jones family.)

Oh, well. Back to the dining room.

Love,
Amy