Dear Physician,

I hate my feet. They smell like fish and nobody wants to sit beside me in the dugout. It’s caused by a fungus that smells terrible. It’s worse after every game. And the worst part is that everybody that has heard about me knows about my foot odor. It is extremely embarrasing and I am surprised my wife is still able to stay in the same room as me. Being famous and having this problem stinks, literally and figuratively. Everytime I am interviewed, someone asks about my foot odor, how I feel about it and suggestions on foot odor products I should try (usually they make my feet smell worse). I hope those shoes I donated to the homeless shelter auction do not scare away bidders. I am wondering if you know of anything that could cure my problems? Is there any foot odor soloutions, like an herbal solution that could reverse the smell. Like a concoctio that is made of somthing that smells bad , like an onion, and mixing it with somthing that smells good, like a fruit for example, to make a foot odor remover, I would graciously sponsor the company. This is a cry for help. Please help me. Sincerly, Clyde “SweetFeet” Livingston

p.s. I hope the solution does not effect my speed.