I found this letter I wrote to my feelings yesterday while trying to find a Rule Of The Road book for Wyoming. It isn’t dated so I can’t completely say how long ago I wrote it. My only clue is with what it pertains to: Life after my dad’s second divorce which left a mark on me for many years.

Dear Feelings:

To all the hurt I’ve ever felt or experienced, I send my gratitude. You’ve helped me grown strong and willing to do the impossible. To go on and face fear. To live reality as it is. To have a better understanding of life, love, pain, and everything else i this world.

To all the sadness I’ve had, I send my thanks. You taught me that anything can happen to good people. You also taught me that people who are understanding, open-minded, and encouraging have sympathy towards anyone in pain and/or sadness. Physical, emotional, and mental.

To neglect, all that I’ve been through, I send dis-likeness. I had to learn to go through the stage without crying. To ponder why it made me the loner I was almost all my life. When I had no friends. Just me, giving myself my own counsel. I finally found out why I had become a loner: My Dad’s divorce with my ex-step-mother, the being deceived by old friends because of rumors spread about me (I heard every one of them) and other dumb reasons.

Signed, 
Your Embodiment

I can’t believe I found something so old, something that must have indicated my release of all that had happened before that point. What I went through was a lot. I won’t ever forget it. In fact, it was what started my depression. I think that even though I let go of the past it still left a piece in me. So that even later when I experienced deja vu, I would relapse into a person that no one recognized. As of today I don’t feel much of my old self in me. Instead it’s a different old self from a different part of my most recent past. Maybe that’s how we all are. People who are sometimes some part of their old selves.