Dear Karl, Karina and Kairos,

It is Mother’s Day today. The world is paying tribute to all the mothers.

Motherhood is one of the most special thing that happen to me. I become a mother because of you. Although I was so afraid (actually I am still afraid), full of apprehension when the doctor announced that I would be a mother. It was you Karl, when it happened. That was 1997. It was like a disaster. I was relatively young, unemployed and the world has a lot to offer. But your first leap inside me changed all that and I anticipated your birth. You were born a week before Christmas, so you become our Christmas Child. The greatest Christmas gift I ever received.

Your presence in our lives changed much in the years to come. You become my priority. I did not work outside our home. I isolated myself from the outside world because I always wanted to be near you. I wanted to capture the many firsts in your life. You have hundreds of pictures to prove that!

Then, you Karina came a year and four months after Karl. It was the merry month of May. But I was not that merry because that means another mouth to feed.  I was no longer excited. I was suffering from a post-partum syndrome. I felt alone and incapacitated. Your father and I had very little money no matter how hard he worked. To ease the boredom and as a theraphy, I ventured outside. But I was not prepared to face the corruption of the government agency where I worked. So I quit. Fortunately, I was able to get work even at home, by accepting development plans, etc. all paper works, that I need not to leave home. I thank the computer for that!

As the two of you grew up, I began to collect my life. I have talent. I have myself to commit to others. So off we go, the three of us, to see the world. I was active again in the women’s movement. You were always with me during the fora, or any gatherings that bespoke of women rights and even environmental protection.

Karina, when you turned three and Karl was four, I was accepted at Ewha Womans University to study for two years. That means I would leave you twice every year. Since then, that was 2002, I never stop. I always leave you at home with your father.

In 2005, you came along Kairos, our miracle baby. You did not make yourself known, until five months of pregnancy. Actually pregnancy test and even the two doctors in our place tested me for negative. So we decided to go to the city for an intra-vaginal ultrasound. It was then discovered that I was five months on the way. I was at the peak of my “career” in the international women’s organization. Because of you, I had to put off my travels abroad until you were weaned. You and I even when you were just 4 months old, was with me during the conduct of trainings in our place. I consider you a very special child because every time that we were running out of finances, somebody would call me to be  speaker or facilitator in a training.

Many people, even within our immediate family, spoke ill of me because they thought mothering is just being with the kids, staying at home and should not be concerned on the society. I was really hurt when your grandaunt told me that I should have not given birth to you if I want to improve myself. But I chose both. My personal development and being mother to you.

Reflecting my life as your mother, I may not be a good mother in a conventional standards. I was not present during the first day of your school, or during Christmas parties. But I am a good mother because I am a mother not only to you but also to the society. I want you to grow up and see me as a woman of conviction, as a woman whose concern is not only you but also the people.

You are may be too young to understand, but in the end I know you will be very proud of me because I am working to make this world a better place for you and to the other children a better place to live.

Karl, Karina and Kairos being a good mother does not only mean staying at home. A good mother also means leaving home. Because our home is the society.

With much love,

Nanay