From: Broughton, Tim 
Sent: 09 September 2008 15:30
To: kronenbourg brand ltd
Subject: Compensation

Dear Sir / Madam / Mr Kronenbourg

Following a recent trip to Florence, a friend of mine was lucky enough to stumble across a fine establishment which stocked your delicious beer. I remember her excitement at the time. She said ‘Wow, this holiday just gets better and better! They’ve got Kronenbourg 1664 here!’ As you can tell we all really like Kronenbourg 1664. We’re always telling people who don’t drink Kronenbourg 1664 that they’re losers and that Kronenbourg 1664 is for WINNERS!

Anyway, we settled into our seats and began drinking your delicious brew. It was quite the chilled refreshment that we needed after a day of intensive sightseeing, I can assure you. I think we stopped for three drinks, each one (seemed to us to be) perfection.

Apologies if I’m twittering on a bit, but the details are important. Once we got back to our hotel we noticed that Zoe was acting a little strange. She was starting to giggle at things that weren’t that funny, and she stumbled a bit on the way to her room. ‘That’s unusual’ I said to our friend, Jo. ‘I wonder why she’s not acting in her usual composed, sensible way?’

Once in her room, Zoe climbed up on a piece of furniture and did some strange dancing. Then, she fell off the aforementioned piece of furniture, onto the floor, with her petit head striking a drinking glass! Good heavens, what a mess it was. There was blood everywhere. We were all in a bit of a panic. One of us slapped Zoe, who was now delirious, while the other went to get a towel to soak up the blood. Eventually the blood stopped pouring out of her head.

Back in the UK Zoe has been having headaches and one morning there was some strange liquid dribbling from her ear. Obviously, being sensible, Zoe went to the doctor who gave her an X-Ray and Zoe relayed the story of how she came by her injuries. ‘I can’t understand why this happened, doctor’ she said to the doctor.

‘Did you have anything to drink?’ asked the aforementioned doctor. ‘Yes’ replied Zoe. ‘I had three glasses of delicious Kronenbourg 1664.’ The doctor nodded gravely. ‘This Kronenbourg 1664 of which you speak poisoned you’ he said. ‘It made you mental.’

Now, obviously this is a serious business and not to be taken lightly. The only reason I’m writing this letter is because Zoe is too traumatised. We would like as compensation three crates of Kronenbourg 1664 to be delivered to my house for a house party in November please – our housemate Mike is going back to Australia and we’re sending him off in style (the theme is Britain and all things British).

My delivery address is:

18, Howard Road
London
W6

Many thanks for your cooperation and I’m sure your thoughts are with Zoe.

Kind regards,

Tim Broughton

P.S if you send the beer, two people from your office can come to the party (but they must be in fancy dress).