Dear diary. . .
Ever since you left…
Every tear that I shed, was for you. Every tear that rolled down my cheek and off my chin was just for you.

I want to say that you are being selfish and self-centred but even through the hurt I can’t bring myself to believe it. All you did was grow up, move on and stopped chasing these childish dreams, something I should have done a long time ago.
But no I have to stupid and ignorant and completely oblivious to the fact that this will only continue to hurt me while I let it.

Looking at your picture I felt my heart cry out in agony that one little bit more. Looking up at my wall I realised that pretty much all of the pictures I had drawn, were of him. . . picking up one of them, I snapped the canvas in half and hurled it across my room and cringed when it made a light thump as it hit the wall.

My mind began to drift back to what seemed like forever ago. What could have been, that one weekend…
I was brought back from my subconscious by a knock on my door. After a mumbled ‘come in’ Grace walked into my room carrying a box. “Claire,fill this one up will you, and put it with the rest” she said as she headed back out the door.

Getting up from my desk chair I stared at myself in the mirror. I noticed that my golden brown hair was a long tangled mess and my face had gone all blotchy from the tears. I tried to put on a brave face but the sadness soon reclaimed its perch.

Just one month to go. I kept telling myself over and over again. A month till I move. But… also a month till I go away for a week. Away to HIS home town. I really couldn’t take it anymore; I broke down to breathless sobs.

Pulling myself together I grabbed my things and headed for the shower.
I loved doing that, just standing under the warm water as it trickled all down my naked flesh, it seemed as if it stopped time even for a short period of time it was a glorious escape from reality.

I was again brought out of my enchantment by a knock on the door. I was being hurried out of the shower as apparently I was “wasting water”. Turning off the taps I reluctantly stepped out into the chilly air and watched as the Goosebumps began to rise on my arm.

Laying down under my silk sheets I slowly drifted into a deep sleep. But what I saw as I closed my eyes I prayed I would never see again.