My Friend,

What happened to us?  When we met I was in need of a friend.  I was going through some of life’s hardest moments and you were there for me.  That was 5 maybe 6 years ago.  We have spent so much time together.  Hard times and fun times.  We have seen each other at our worst, and at our best.  Lately everything seems to be wrong.  I do not know what to do.  I felt so stressed out with you.  I said you are losing your mind.  Maybe it was I who was losing it.  I know you will just dismiss me with the rest of the bi-polars, link me in your mind to your sister, but that is not fair.  We all have our own  mental struggles.  I was just fed up.  I tried to call, more than once, seems that caller id blocked me.  This has been a very crazy month or so and maybe I let too much build up before I spoke.  Spoke.  I didn’t even have the balls to speak.  I sent it in an e-mail.

You have been on my mind everyday.  Did I make the write choice?  I think not, but how do I turn back the hands of time?  I hear you are ok.  That’s  right, I ask.  I have spent many hours wondering if we were ever really friends or if we were just co-dependant.  Sometimes I think it is the latter.  Now I sit here with no one to talk to except these strangers on the internet and there isn’t much comfort in that.  I really just want to make a strong pot of coffee and cry with you.  Instead I sit here alone typing and crying.

I want you to know how sorry I am for hurting your feelings.  I wonder if you even want to hear it.  Maybe it is better to leave it at this.  I returned your things, thinking that it would help.  Get rid of all that reminds me, maybe I can forget.  I knew it wouldn’t work.  I pray every night that you will call me, or come to visit.  I have not opened the bottle of wine you brought me for my birthday.  I wanted to share it with you.

I do not think I will try for any more friends.  It always seems to go this way.  I spend years getting to know and love a friend and in the end I run them off.  I always blame the friend and not myself, not till its too late anyway.  I do not think I can handle any more heart ache.  I do not think I can handle any more guilt.

My friend, please forgive me.  I did not mean to hurt you.  I hope and pray that life treats you good.  Maybe my prayers will be answered and you will show up on my door step some day, but what will I say.  There is something inside me that says you are better off.

May God Bless You and forgive me for being such a bad friend.

Goodbye and Good Luck,
Virginia