Dear Bryan,

I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I didn’t listen to you. I’m sorry that I made your only fear a reality. I’m sorry that I can’t help you be strong like you did so many times for me. I wish I could’ve been your shoulder to cry on. As I lay here on my death bed, I wish I had listened to you. I wish I could’ve been your loving wife and the mother of your children. I know that I will never walk down the isle with you and realizing this brings tears to my eyes.

You were everything to me. You were my knight in shining armor, you were my shoulder to cry on. You were the one guy that I could turn to for anything and always count on those loving arms being wrapped around me as tears fell on your shoulder. I wish I could’ve seen you just one more time, to feel your lips pressed against mine or to feel your hand wrapped gently around mine But I know I won’t. I know its too unbearable to see me this way.

I wish I could go back and change what happened, I wish my life hadn’t played out this way. We always said losing each other was our biggest fear and now I’ve made your only fear a reality. You’ve always been the strongest but that day in the doctors office, not even you could hold back the tears and I watched as they rolled down your face.

I know I won’t be there to see you walk down the isle or to see your kids grow up, god I wish I could be there. I wish I could be the one you have a family with but I can’t. You were the only guy that loved me for me but I was stupid, I pushed you away, I hurt you more times then I can count and yet you still stood by me. You showed me what true love was. Even now as I write this, I can’t hold back the tears. You were the only guy that didn’t want me for sex, the only guy who stood by me no matter what I did. God how could I have been so stupid? I should’ve realized what I had all those years ago.

I should’ve told you then how I felt. Bryan, I love you. I’ve loved you ever since I 1 st saw you getting off the bus all those years ago. I never told you this but you were the 1 st guy I ever kissed, I just wish I had other 1 st experiences with you. I would’ve been a better person. You tried to stop me, you knew this is where we would end up and I didn’t listen, I pushed you away. I threw away the only friend I ever really had. I’m sorry I pushed you away. I wish I could hold your hand or hear you whisper its going to be ok in my ear, even though I know its not. I just want to hear your voice again.

I know its too late but I just want to say I love you. Goodbye.

Love,

Nicole