I never did believe you
when you told me I was loved
But now I do, and I’m so sorry
that I rarely contact you
I’m a shitty son

She’s helped me through
each crisis in my life
Held me together
when I felt completely alone
Though I still feel
what I’ve given back
Hasn’t been quite enough
I’m a shitty brother

Forgotten their birthdays
more than once
Not to mention some
disappointing Christmases
When they were young
wanted to be the one
dispensing good advice
and maybe just to feel
they believed I was nice
I’m a shitty uncle

This may be the worst
but in my defense
was abandoned
by our paternal father
less than a year after birth
Then my Mom re-marries
this man unknown
who spanks to punish me
for making her worry
Of you Dad, this memory
is my first

Is it any wonder I’m so messed up?!?
First girlfriend in High school
deserted me too
for an older man, a teacher    
Almost two years wasted in pursuit
of that perfect love, one that’s true
My ideals, life’s dreams and goals
left me then… Shattered
soul is battered
black and blue

Now totally neurotic
Perpetually examining
each excrutiating moment
never ending
Having trouble just befriending
a woman; much less making her my own
It is not of my choosing
just so afraid of losing
because that’s all I’ve ever been shown
my whole life, through and through
Apparently
I’m a shitty human being

© COPYRIGHT 2011 Thomas Pelto ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.