[This is the third and final part of Blue, and the other two parts are named Blue (Part 1) and Blue (Part 2).]

Only then did he start to regret his impulsive act. The bitter cold of the water sliced through his euphoria like a knife’s edge, pulling back in all the negativity that he was trying so hard to get away from.

His rival’s mocking glance when she won the deal from his client; his mother’s disappointed face when he failed his entrance examination; his father’s embarrassed face when he did not follow in his footsteps to Harvard Law School; and most of all, his estranged wife’s look of pure bliss with another man. All of these came back to haunt him, just like they haunted him in his dreams.

“Ha,” he said laconically, just as he disappeared under the Blue water surface. His Armani suit, heavy shiny shoes and Rolex were tethering him to the bottom of the pool.

Why did all these happen to him? Was he so undeserving of love and concern that he was constantly treated like a rag doll, hurled menacingly to and fro? Void of a heart and lay limp in a corner unless someone picked him up. But no one ever picked him up. Since young all he wanted was his mother’s smile, his father’s approval, and his own knowledge that he was secure in the warm cocoon of his parents’ love. But now, at thirty-seven-years-old, he still could not claim any of them in his name. All he had was a job he was unhappy with, a big, empty and pretentious empty shell of a house, and those Blue pills for company.

Most of all, his wife left him. And the only thing that could hurt his numb heart anymore was to take his child away from him. The child that was the fruit of a love that burnt bright once upon a time, the child that had his mother’s eyes. The child that would smile and giggle at him with those sparkling, brilliant Blue eyes. Eyes that spoke volumes of undiluted love. Those same eyes that stared back coldly into his brown ones, channelling a thousand thoughts of hatred, disappointment and mockery thirty years ago.

Now whenever he saw his child for a few fleeting glances when he hid in his car parked near his wife’s home, those same eyes still sparkled and shone, but it was a different kind of sparkle. It was like he was omitted from that sparkle, the great brilliance of a sun that was forcefully taken away from the centre of his universe. The memory of that unique Blue faded day by day, no matter how much he tried to grasp and clasp at the memory, he could not hold on to it tight. He had forgotten that shade of Blue.

The chlorine stung his eyes, but that thought was just to assuage himself because he knew that he was crying. Mourning. Mourning and yearning for a life that he knew he would never get. Mourning and yearning and craving for a normal life.

The Blue of the water surrounded him. Suddenly, the image of his toddler’s once sparkling, once bright, little Blue eyes flashed clearly in his head. Those eyes that had that unique sparkle that shone just for him. That shade of Blue that he had forgotten for a long time.

Oh no, I can’t disappear like this, I still have someone to live for!

He struggled and thrashed around wildly, trying to break onto the surface. But the Blue of the water seemed to close in tighter around him, threatening to engulf him completely as he desperately struggled, grasping at the essence of human nature to stay alive.

Sadly, Blue was too strong.

Blue brought him pain, Blue gave him relief, Blue gave him strength and the power to love. But ultimately, it was also Blue that had taken away his life.

Blue had won.