The first thing Guy noticed before he opened his eyes was that it had stopped raining. He touched his face. Sweaty, nice. It was a dream, he thought, it was all just a dream! Back to the familiar world of reality TV, horror films and safe old softcore porn. Eagerly he opened his eyes. It was still dark but there was a flickering synthetic light coming from behind him. Big Brother’s still on, he chuckled to himself. Relieved, he let forth a bottomless yawn and casually rolled over.

     “Hi Ken! What are you doing lying in that horrible icky nest, you silly bunny?!”

     Guy froze in sheer fright (which is quite comical because whilst a moment ago he was doing a yawning face now it looks like his jaw has dropped). Oh no, he thought, please no. He sat up, blinked his eyes to adjust to the light and then rubbed them furiously in disbelief. It couldn’t be. It just couldn’t be.

     Before him was Sindy, still sporting her white Playboy bunny uniform. She was hopping and bounding across the tidy lawn just in front of him, cavorting merrily on the well-groomed grass, her shadow bouncing keenly along with her. In the backdrop behind her, about a hundred yards back across the grass, was a mansion. That was the only way to describe it. A big, fuck-off mansion. There were lights on in most of the windows. And there were a lot of windows, they blinked yellow light out at the world like a thousand TV screens. At the front was a veranda, which provided the source of light Guy had mistaken for his television. Sindy’s jolly prancing in front of him was the reason the light had seemed to flicker like a telly, as her bunny-eared shadow slicked across his face. Guy snapped himself out of the nest of twigs, which he had been certain a short while ago would be his deathbed, and jumped down onto the turf. It was soft, cushiony. He looked behind him but the path they had come in on had completely disappeared. The woods now stood stubbornly in its place. In fact they stood stubbornly all around. How could this be? He turned back to the mansion again. A look of dizzy confusion crossed his face. Where the hell was he?