This is the first "book" I wrote way back when I was fourteen years old. I am thinking about rewriting it and could use some suggestions and overall feedback on the plot and story in general. Thank you for your help!
Consciousness drifted in and out. The only way she knew she was awake was by the muffled sounds around her. Her eyes felt cemented together and were too heavy to open. She felt someone grab her hand and call her name. It sounded far away and unfamiliar. Shannon could smell the lilac perfume of the woman. The scent was familiar but the touch was not. She struggled to open her eyes.
“She is waking up!” The voice cried, “O Shannon are you alright?” Shannon opened her eyes in a strained squint. Through her blurred vision she could see a dark haired woman with high cheekbones and leaking brown eyes. She did not recognize the woman at first. Then the scent clicked a past image in her brain, “Mom?”
“Yes Shannon, its me.” More tears flowed down her pale cheeks, “We did not think you were going to wake up. I feared you would go into a long-term coma like Lesl-“ She stopped and shifted uncomfortably.
“Like Leslie was?” Shannon finished for her. She opened her mouth to say more but stopped when the nurse walked in the room.
The nurse busily wandered around the room checking different readings before she finally turned to Shannon and her mother, Tracey. She was a plump woman with rosy cheeks and uncontrollably frizzy hair, which she had attempted to put into a bun. “How are you feeling today dear?” She smiled revealing large yellow teeth. “Been asleep for nearly a week now. Gave your mother the fright of her life you did.”
Shannon glanced at her mother, “Yeah, I am really sorry about that.” She remarked sarcastically. Her anger was rising. She did not want to see her mother again. The fact that her mother felt any fear for Shannon’s well being was highly doubted.
The nurse had not caught on to Shannon’s sarcasm and just smiled and patted her patient’s hand. “None of this is your fault darling. You are the victim here.” She left the room still smiling.
Shannon turned an icy cold look towards her mother. “At least she knows who the real victim is. And to think she does not even know a dent in what I have had to endure.”
“Oh Shannon stop! You act like you have had such a horrible life! Not once have you needed anyone’s help and not gotten it!”
“Really? What about when dad was killed? I found his body! I had to plan the funeral by myself! And did you care? No! Did you come to the funeral or try to contact me? Not once!” She was on the verge of screaming when Riley and Starlynn walked in.
Starlynn was the fist to speak, “Hello Aunt Tracy.” She turned her emerald eyes to Shannon, “I am glad your awake Shannon. My mom says hi.”
“Causing a racket as usual Shannon?” Riley grinned mischievously, “Oh how the city has been so quiet without your voice.”
Shannon laughed then stopped. She had not noticed how much her body hurt during her anger. Her head throbbed and her whole upper body ached from when it had been thrown into the steering wheel. “What happened?”
“Well…” Starlynn started, “Nobody knows for sure. Some guy shot a cab driver and stole the cab. The person who stole it was speeding from the cops and lost control and crashed right into you.”
Riley shook her head, “Its kind of ironic really. Mark was the one who was chasing the guy. What are the odds that your boyfriend would be the one to chase the guy that would end up hurting you?”
Shannon’s mother nodded, “If only you had somehow known a few seconds before. You would not be in this position.”
The four stayed and talked a little more about what Shannon had missed that week. After that they left her to sleep in peace. Only she did not get that much sleep for the nurse kept coming in and clattering and chattering about. A severe throbbing in her ribs did not assist her much either.
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