Carol looked at Denise. “To some degree I lied to you about me, by omission of course. But it is still a lie. Six months after my amputation I tied one on at home one day. I was depressed. I lied to my mom that I had an appointment with the doctor. When you start lying you are about to get into trouble. Mom picked up the kids and I left in the car. I went to the liquor store and picked up two bottles, one to drink now, one to stash. Like you it was premeditated drinking. I planned it. I went home, hid one bottle, took out the bottle and got shit-faced drunk.”

“I can’t imagine you that way. You are so, mature, so respectable.”

“Over eighty percent of the drunks in this country aren’t on skid row. They are respectable. At least they look that way. Think of your friends in Hollywood.”

“Yes. At least a dozen of the actresses my age are boozers. They have alcohol problems worse than mine.”

“Do you know anyone who drinks too much that has less a problem then you?”

“No. Why?”

“Because nobody has an alcohol problem if they drink less than you. It is one of the lies that all alcoholics tell themselves. Others we use are “I am a problem drinker, a heavy social drinker, occasionally drink too much, need the alcohol for stress, I never drive when drunk or I am a love-able drunk. There is no such thing as a problem drinker. We either handle alcohol responsibly or we are alcoholics. The line on social drinking is passed when it becomes a problem for us or the people around us. That can be business associates, neighbors, other people on the road, whatever. Once our drinking becomes a problem for someone else and we don’t quit drinking we are alcoholics. I have yet to see someone with an alcohol problem who does not drink while driving at times. And I know of no love-able drunks. Most are not nice. Many are just plain nasty. Even if they are not nasty when drunk they are when hung over.”

“The way you put it, I feel like dirt.”

“Understand, I tell myself this about once a week. I do it so I don’t fall back into the old rut.”