Chapter one: One Night in Paris.

I have been away a long time! I’ve not put pen to paper in nearly a year for reasons best known to somebody else. Maybe it was death or the impending birth of my son, Miles, who is now six months old and as strong as some sort of high-powered, mutant ox that stopped me from writing. Who knows? I’m writing again now but this period of literary abstinence has only left me with questions.

Is the good life elsewhere? It’s not a new idea. People have always looked to seek out a better life for themselves in other places often deciding to travel thousands of miles (the measurement not my son) to set up home. There seems to be a romantic ideology attached to moving towns or cities or countries born from movies or books and it’s the easiest way of metaphorically wiping the slate clean. You can reinvent yourself anyway you see fit without question.

I must admit that I do subscribe to this idea. I have always had a strained relationship with the town I’ve lived in for nearly thirty years and even though I’ve wanted to leave since I can remember there has always been something keeping me here. Holidays have been few and far between due to my lack of money only being matched by my lack of enthusiasm for manual labour. What follows is a hazy account of mine and my girls first holiday together. After three years and a baby we thought it was about time we got off our backsides and tasted the possibilities of life somewhere else but this time through the mist of parenthood and other light refreshments. To understand that last sentence will only take the knowledge that Amsterdam was our destination.

Lawyer:

Mr Watson, I understand that there are three things in this world that you fear more than anything else.

Defendant:

That is correct.

Lawyer:

Is one of those things in this room right now?

Defendant:

Yes.

Lawyer:

Could you please point out that fear for the court.

Let it be known for the record that the defendant has pointed to Exhibit A the picture of the plane. Out of interest Mr Watson what are the other two of your biggest fears?